


Faith to Let Go

by twisted_dendrites



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Panic Attacks, Savior Complex, Spoilers for all of Shippuden, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22232608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisted_dendrites/pseuds/twisted_dendrites
Summary: A deeper dive into Naruto and Gaara's interactions during Shukaku extraction, the aftermath of Jiraiya vs. Pain, the Five Kage Summit, and finally the end of the Fourth Shinobi World War.Alternatively: Every time Gaara and Naruto see each other, they have to lay it all on the line because any moment could be their last.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 54
Kudos: 215





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back writing Gaara/Naruto again!!! This time the fic is more dark and pretty much runs parallel with canon events. I've never actually written a fic that drew so heavily from canon before, so that was interesting. Aha, I think I prefer writing lighter fluffier things though.

Clay caught under his fingernails as he tore desperately into the plaster monstrosity before him. Sharp pieces of debris scratched along his palms down his wrists and drew blood, but he didn’t feel it. The world was hot and pulsing around him, crushing him closer to the ruined sculpture. He sunk his claws deep into the white material, tearing chunk after chunk away, as if he could wrench himself free from the situation that felt like it was going to swallow him whole.

He was imprecise and reckless with his movements, but he didn’t care, even as one of his clones accidentally carved a red streak along the back of his forearm. Blood pooled into his fingernails, smushing against the clay and mixing into a foul grayish-pinkish color. The clay was so thick and so dense and he couldn’t tear it apart fast enough.

The first moment where he felt his fingers break through the shell sent a buzz through his skull. He ground his teeth together, his vision blurring as he struggled to keep his shaky hands peeling back layer after layer. He felt each moment one of his clones broke through their digging spots too, like a pop in his ears when he changed altitude too quickly.

The feeling of his stomach dropping came later, when he’d cleared enough of the figure away to see a deep red hue, the color of his blood, of his heart.

_Gaara!_

The rest of the world crumbled away as three versions of himself scrambled to lift the body of his friend from the stark white maw. The weight, even distributed among them, felt heavy—felt wrong. They brought him to rest on the bough of the tree, his body unnatural and stiff and silent. Naruto could not bring himself to do anything more but glance across the face of the Kazekage. Even the most fleeting glimpse was sharp enough to turn the buzzing in his head into shrill squealing of metal on metal.

The danger wasn’t gone yet, Naruto could still hear the Akatsuki bastard mumbling to himself smugly— _that fucking—about to be dead meat_. _Dead, fucking dead—_

His fist slammed into the enemy’s face with a satisfying crunch. The force of the hit traveled up his arm, coiling into his already tight muscles as he sailed through the air in pursuit of his prey. His hands wove the signs for Kage Bunshin jutsu, and four more clones sprouted midair, each grabbing a limb to pin that bastard to the earth. He landed with his knees sunk deep into the enemy’s chest, a silent prayer squishing all breath out of the man’s abdomen. The impact was another shock wave through his body, and he clenched his fist around all the pain and smashed it into the man’s nose.

He continued to pummel his way through the man’s body, any available inch of him that wasn’t broken or bleeding became priority for the next blow. Beside him, clones were curling up chakra for him. In between beats of his blood, he took the Rasengan and drove it through the man’s ribs.

Clay sprayed back up at his face.

“Clay? A substitution?” Kakashi said, somewhere far away, where no one heard him.

_Dead fucking—Gaara—how dare he—_

Naruto clenched his teeth together so hard that they cracked, and then—

Nothing.

_White-hot, red-hot, kill, kill, kill—_

The shadow clone next to Kakashi screamed in agony, gagging on the feeling until it burst. The two clones surrounding Gaara managed to maintain their form, unwilling to leave their comrade behind.

Kakashi jumped down from the limb.

“Calm down, Naruto.”

But it wasn’t Naruto that he was facing. The Kyuubi-cloaked ninja lunged for him. He barely managed to dodge out of the way, and by the time he turned around, Naruto had already shattered the stone on which he’d previously been standing. Without question, Kakashi knew he had no choice but to use the seal that Jiraiya had given him to suppress Kyuubi. However, the aura around his student was so thick and menacing that Kakashi was already having second thoughts about trying to place the seal.

Without waiting for his better judgment to convince him to retreat, Kakashi flung himself forward. His palm planted the seal firmly against Naruto’s hitai-ate, and the change was instant. Red chakra receded into the jinchuuriki’s body, and Kakashi was quick to grab Naruto as he went limp. As he shouldered the young shinobi to the ground, he felt heavy sighs shudder against his back.

“You okay?”

He pulled back, trying to reassess the situation. Leaves rustled from behind him, announcing the arrival of Chiyo and Sakura. Kakashi sighed, his chest heavy with relief.

“We made it,” Sakura noted, seemingly much more in control of her emotions than anyone else currently present.

Naruto seemed to have regained some consciousness. The world was no longer veiled in a bright red haze, in fact, everything seemed to be in high definition. He studied the blood smeared across his knuckles as if they were a map of just how badly he’d fucked up that sculptor scum.

Chiyo and Sakura said something, and Naruto responded to them, but he didn’t really know what he was saying. He could feel the threat in the forefront of his mind, he could pinpoint exactly where that slimy chakra was lurking.

He was ready to take off and finish what he’d started. He’d never felt so much anger and hatred before, it was like he didn’t have the capacity for it. He couldn’t find the words to describe why his skin felt like it was burning or why his ears were ringing with screams. All he knew was that the next time he got his hands on that Akatsuki bastard, he would have no mercy.

Team Gai dropped in and broke up the tension.

Naruto let himself observe as the team engaged with Deidara. Kakashi called some warning, and it wasn’t long before one last explosion shook the forest floor. Heat rushed towards them, snuffing out Naruto’s will to fight as he realized what had happened. He braced himself, gripping onto Kakashi’s shoulder until the blast had cleared. To his surprise, it hadn’t been as strong as he’d expected.

By the time Kakashi was finished explaining what he’d done, Naruto could feel the clay under his fingernails again. He took a deep breath and looked to his clones that were flanking Gaara. He expected something to have changed. Deidara was gone, but the spell he’d put on Gaara hadn’t been broken.

The inside of his nose tickled, like a nosebleed was coming on. He ignored it and jumped up to join his clones on the branch. He could feel them shifting the weight between them, and he was desperate to believe that there was some sign of life that they were unable to detect.

His clones transferred the Kazekage’s body into his arms with slow, measured movements, like they were handling a balloon full of pins. Naruto was just as cautious. He held his breath until he was carrying all of the weight—which still felt too heavy.

His muscles strained as he cradled Gaara against his chest. Any moment now, the Kazekage would blink his eyes open and take a heaving breath. Any moment his chakra would flare up and consume him, tensing his muscles instinctively, as his last conscious moments had been in danger.

Naruto swept his gaze over Gaara’s smooth, unmarked, ashen face, and noticed that his sand armor was gone. His skin was bloodless, pale and pristine as a pearl. He had no wrinkles, no scars, no sun spots. Impossible for a ninja his age. His jaw was soft, rounded, and contoured only by the shadows created by his bone structure. Naruto traced his eyes along the soft curve of his chin, the dip of his mouth. He followed the line of Gaara’s nose to the deep dark hollows where his eyes were closed. He let his attention flick over to the deep red lines on his forehead.

_Any moment now…_

But as the seconds ticked by, and Gaara remained lifeless in his arms, Naruto felt a jittery panic begin to climb out of the pit of his stomach. Every passing moment lessened the chance that this wasn’t real. Each beat of his blood through his veins, harsh and hot now that he’d held his breath for so long, was another reminder that Gaara had no pulse to accompany his own. And finally, light-headed with panic, Naruto came to the only feasible conclusion left that still offered Gaara a chance.

Medical ninjutsu.

He leapt from the tree branch to the grassy forest floor, still careful, huddling his body around Gaara as they landed as if to shield him from the impact. Gently, he brought his friend to rest on the ground. The grass was cool against his knuckles as he slid his hands out from under Gaara.

As he pulled back, a numb kind of disbelief gripped him. _Seeing Gaara laid out like that…_

He felt sick to his stomach, and he jerked his head around until he found what he was looking for.

“Sakura-chan,” he called out. Weakly, he rose to his feet and began pacing.

_This can’t be happening, this can’t be—Gaara—_

“ _Please_! Sakura-chan!”

The medical ninja kneeled by the Kazekage and rested her hands on his chest. The examination was over within seconds. Her expression was grim and unchanging as she pulled her hands away and shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Naruto.”

Bright pain stabbed through his stomach, and he hugged his arms around himself, trying to keep his innards from tearing their way out. Only the wind dared to make a sound as hot tears spilled down Naruto’s face.

“Why? Why Gaara?”

His voice was rough and wobbly, and it was hard to say anyof the words that were filling him up and threatening to drown him. His hands bunched into fists again as he started towards Gaara again. The clay pushed uncomfortably under his fingernails, reminding him that he’d failed—he’d failed to claw his way out, and now, Gaara…

“You can’t—! You just became the Kazekage! You—just—Idiot...”

Looking at the body before him didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real anymore. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, it didn’t make sense. Gaara was the last person to deserve this. _Gaara was_ —

He felt like screaming, and when Chiyo told him to calm down, he let her have it.

“This is all your fault!”

Gaara, his Gaara. His other half. His mirror image.

He’d suffered, alone, for the first twelve years of his life, and for what? His village used his body as a vessel for their greatest weapon, all the while they ostracized him for it.

“You have no fucking right to talk about him—to call him a jinchuuriki. You have no idea what it’s like.”

He hadn’t had any friends up until the chuunin exams. He’d been so miserable and his only release had been through violence. How fucked up was that? How fucked up was everyone around him, that he grew up thinking he was no more than tool of death?

“If it weren’t for people like you, this would _never_ have happened!”

And despite all of that, he’d grown past that. He’d become the fucking Kazekage! He defended the very people that reviled him his whole life, he’d made them stronger. He changed his ways, and the ways of his village. He’d changed the minds of the people around him.

And still…

_And still—!_

He lay dead on the grass, all his efforts and progress unrewarded.

_And it was all Naruto’s fault._

Maybe Chiyo and the elders of Suna were the cause, and maybe the fourth Kazekage had been the one to seal the one-tail into Gaara’s body. In the end though, it had come down to Naruto. Gaara had survived everything the Sand Village had put him through, but when it came time for Naruto to rescue him—when it came time for one of his friends, his first friend, his _very first_ _friend_ who had convinced him that friendship even meant anything, when it came time for that friend to be there for him, Naruto had been too late.

“What the hell have I been doing?” Naruto gasped between sobs. “What the hell? All that training...”

This was exactly why he’d left Konoha three years ago to train alone with Jiraiya. After he failed to bring back Sasuke, he knew that he needed to step up. Sasuke wouldn’t be the last of his friends to need his help, but he was the first that Naruto was unable to help due to his own shortcomings.

Naruto had never done well at the academy, he had never studied, paid attention to his teachers, or really _tried_. He never thought it would matter, until he made friends. Mission after mission, he learned that the friends he made depended on him, and when he couldn’t deliver, it hurt them both. So for him to have wasted all those years at the academy slacking off...it was only right that he really took the time to focus on making up for lost time by putting all of his focus into becoming a better ninja.

This was the very first time that the results of all of that training were put to the test, and the outcome was…

He tried to wipe the tears and snot from his face with his sleeve, but there wasn’t enough dry fabric. He felt like he was suffocating.

_Worthless._

Chiyo brushed past him, and he turned and watched her kneel next to Gaara. Naruto felt a pulse of energy as a blue aura of chakra left the old woman’s fingers and melted into Gaara’s chest.

He heard Sakura gasp and say something, but he couldn’t register her words. The hum of Chiyo’s chakra sounded like hope, and it was the only thing Naruto wanted to listen to.

He drew closer again, he couldn’t stay away, and he twisted his hands anxiously.

_Please, please._

“What are you doing?”

He had to know. He had to confirm it. If there was any possibility left that Gaara wasn’t gone forever…

“What are you doing to him?!”

Frantic, he stepped forward but was stopped by Sakura.

“Naruto,” she said sharply, her voice warning him to stop.

He looked at her, rubbed at his eyes, and tried to focus.

“She’s going to bring him back.”

That was all he needed to hear. The next few moments jammed up one against the other in rapid succession. Chiyo’s chakra wasn’t enough, but she could use Naruto’s, and he placed his hands on top of hers and then he too was atoning for his sins.

_I’m sorry, Gaara. I couldn’t make it in time, but if I can help in this way…_

Having chakra pulled from his body wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but he expected it to hurt more. He felt like he deserved it to hurt more.

_Whatever it takes, Gaara…_

~~

Was it selfish to open your eyes and see the face of the one person that you’d always wanted to wake up to?

Somehow, getting to live and having this moment not be a dream seemed too good to be true.

~~

“Gaara!”

Naruto smashed his face into Gaara’s neck, crushing their bodies together in a hug. He was a sobbing, shivering mess, and he didn’t care, not even as more ninja from the Sand and Leaf villages gathered in the area.

“Naruto?”

Gaara’s voice, his breath across Naruto’s cheek, his squirming around trying to get his bearings, all proof that he was alive again, formed a key which unlocked something deep within Naruto.

He didn’t even mind as Temari shoved him out of the way, he was just so, so overwhelmed with happiness. So grateful. He watched Gaara blink with confusion as he tried to figure out what was happening, and he felt like he was about to float into the heavens above so that he could personally thank whomever had let him have the fifth Kazekage back.

Sakura came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. It felt like a blanket on a cold winter night, and Naruto leaned into her touch.

“You did it,” she whispered, quietly congratulating him.

More tears ran down his cheeks, pouring out all of his mixed up emotions.

“I shouldn’t have had to.”

~~

Team 7 and Team 3 stayed for Chiyo’s funeral, which was held the next day. The following day, Team 3 returned to Konoha, but Team 7 stayed behind. Kakashi felt like they needed a breather. Realistically, he felt like _Naruto_ needed a break. Without the seal that Jiraiya had given him, Kakashi was sure he’d have been toast.

Naruto didn’t realize that Team 3 had already departed. He didn’t notice much of anything, time slipped away from him as he tried to absorb everything that had happened.Every time he tried to piece it together, all of his thoughts bombarded him at once until he was sick and shaking and then—blank.

_Gaara was dead._

_Gaara was alive._

After waking up in that field, Gaara had been immediately taken to care in a private ward in Suna’s hospital. Though his vitals checked out, everyone was still extremely concerned about him. Visitors crowded him all day, awed that this young man had put his life on the line for the sake of the village. Security was on high alert, which delayed everything even more.

The fact that Naruto wasn’t able to see much of him made things feel even less real. Had any of it actually happened? It all kind of felt like a false memory implanted by genjutsu.

But Naruto knew that he hadn’t imagined everything because he couldn’t think of a time where he’d ever been so angry, enraged, livid—the indescribable bloodlust he had felt when he’d locked eyes with Deidara as Gaara’s limp body hung heavy in his arms.

Sure, it was justified to want to kill that man, but something about the situation felt off. _He_ felt off, his recollection felt wrong. _What really happened?_ Kakashi said that the kyuubi had overtaken the control of his body, but that wasn’t a satisfying answer. It was _his_ body, and any cessation of control was _his_ responsibility. If he wanted to kill that man, he wanted that to be his own decision by his own hands.

It didn’t feel right. He felt clammy inside his skin, like Kyuubi had come and stretched it out and left a few stains behind. When he asked Sakura-chan about it, she said she could treat the symptoms, but that it wouldn’t solve the problem. Naruto didn’t understand what she meant by that.

By the second (or third?) day in Suna, Naruto came to the conclusion that he really needed to see Gaara. He wasn’t sure what answers the Kazekage could give him (after all, he’d been unconscious throughout the entire ordeal) but there was something in him telling him that this would bring him some closure.

But, a small part of him _didn’t_ want to see Gaara.

_Because that would_ _confirm that this was_ _all_ _true_ , and he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to accept that. Not yet, maybe not ever.

His decision was made for him when Gaara appeared before him the following day.

Naruto had been restless, floating from roof to roof of Suna’s structures, too unfocused to do any training but too keyed up to stay still. A sandstorm was in the forecast. The sting of sand against his face as the wind lashed his skin explained why there weren’t many people out. He hadn’t planned to stay out long, though with his distorted sense of time, his plans were arbitrary.

The familiar chakra swelled from behind him, and when he turned to face Gaara, he wasn’t sure if his mind were playing tricks on him.

“Come,” Gaara said, his voice almost completely covered by the howling of the wind. He didn’t wait for a response, he simply took Naruto’s hand and led him somewhere that appeared to be one of the Kazekage’s file storage rooms.

“This was the closest acceptable shelter,” Gaara explained.

Naruto felt like his vision wasn’t tracking properly. The earthy tones of the stacks of files blended together with the warm colors of the walls, of Gaara’s clothing. He couldn’t look the man in the eye, instead looking anywhere else.

Everything felt _too_ real now. His chest was crushing in on itself. He didn’t know what to do. Every time he caught a glimpse of Gaara, memories stabbed through his chest and left a mess of raw conflicting feelings behind.

“They let you out of the hospital?” Naruto heard himself say.

“Conditionally,” Gaara replied, “I think they’re going overboard, but I guess it’s to be expected.”

Gaara’s voice was so smooth and so sturdy. His tone made everything he said sound like a fact. Naruto barely processed the content of his words, but he took comfort in the strong cadence of his speech.

“What about you?”

By the time he realized he’d been asked a question, Gaara had placed his hand on Naruto’s shoulder. The contact made Naruto’s heart stop. His chest felt shot through with ice. He wasn’t afraid of Gaara, there was nothing to be afraid of here, but tremors of panic resounded throughout his body with an electric chill.

“Naruto?”

He clenched his jaw and bowed his head. Tears leaked from his eyes even as he squeezed them shut. He tried to breathe but it came out in a stutter as he gagged on his swollen throat.

Gaara’s arms were around him immediately, keeping him from freezing solid. Keeping him together as his tears burned down his face, threatening to melt him altogether. Nothing felt right, nothing matched—he didn’t know what, but something was still so out of place—

_And he didn’t deserve this._

“I lost you.”

He hadn’t been there. He hadn’t come in time. Gaara was _dead_. Just another casualty of the jinchuuriki curse.

Outside, the storm seemed to have grown stronger. Naruto could hear the sand beating against the walls of the room, and his skin prickled. It seemed like Gaara was the only thing holding everything together, _but he didn’t deserve_ —

“Naruto, look at me.”

Warmth bloomed on Naruto’s cheek as Gaara placed his hand there, tilting his head to look him dead in the eye. Naruto didn’t fight it. Green eyes captured his own, and he let himself admit that he felt so lost.

“It’s okay. It’s _over_.”

But to Naruto, this felt like only the beginning.

~~

They saw each other one more time before the departure of Team 7. The next morning, early enough in the day that there was still a bitterness hanging in the air, Naruto’s feet brought him to the training grounds, but his body refused to cooperate any further. He leaned against the fence just inside the area, allowing his thoughts to tumble aimlessly through his mind.

The haze from yesterday’s sandstorm had settled, maybe burned up by the golden desert sun. Even though the intensity of the light pricked at his skin, Naruto found relief in being able to move around outside again. Being trapped inside because the air quality was too bad had left him feeling suffocated anyway.

Since seeing Gaara during the storm, Naruto felt more balanced. He’d been able to confirm that Gaara really was alive, and it seemed like his brain was finally allowing him to accept that information as true. He’d even managed to get a bit of sleep the night before without waking up in a frenzied terror. At least _one_ crisis could be laid to rest.

Of course, he remained preoccupied with the rest of the unresolved issues. The giant fucking mess that was the Akatsuki, though that seemed so out of his control that it was almost hard to think about seriously.

_That soul gripping bloodlust that had consumed him..._

He was still worried about what _that_ meant.

As time passed, Naruto heard footsteps of Suna civilians passing by the training grounds. The domestic sounds of everyone starting their day filled the background with a comfortable dull murmur. Sunlight blazed overhead, pulling Naruto from the depths of his mind. He had just about gathered himself enough for some target practice when he felt that familiar presence around him again.

“As a Konoha shinobi, you didn’t know, but this training ground is actually closed for renovations right now.”

Naruto faced the speaker, knowing the voice instantly but flinching anyway when his eyes confirmed. The situation seemed absurd as he processed the words that Gaara had said, and before he knew it, he was laughing. Sunagakure had come so close to losing their Kazekage, yet here he was, fretting about menial construction projects.

Gaara came closer, a smile curling the ends of his lips.

“Well, that explains why no one is here!” Naruto exclaimed, once he was able to calm himself down enough to breathe again. It hadn’t even been that funny, but once he had started, it had been hard to stop laughing. His body hadn’t wanted to give up the expression of happiness, his lungs missed the effervescent buzz.

“As Kazekage, I suppose I can let it slide...”

Gaara’s attention was fully on him, with a heaviness that made Naruto’s chest ache. He looked down at his hands, then fiddled with the kunai pouch on his leg. He’d already taken inventory of his shuriken and kunai earlier this morning, but he would have welcomed the distraction again.

Silence pressed between them, and it made Naruto feel uncomfortable, but all the things on his mind were things he didn’t really want to say.

A sudden _thwack_ from down range made him look up.

Gaara had tossed his own kunai at the target, striking the first ring around the center. He turned to Naruto with a small smile, as if inviting him to join.

Naruto took a shallow breath, then drew one of his own kunai. He let the muscle memory take over as he hurled the kunai at his own target. He’d been doing this since his earliest days at the academy, and by now it was second nature. The familiarity of the action was almost soothing.

They practiced together in silence for some time.

Throwing kunai required just enough focus that Naruto’s thoughts could superficially drift though his memory. Besides reconfirming that Gaara was alive, Naruto still wasn’t ready to process what had happened yesterday. The memory was still too tender—breaking down in Gaara’s arms until he was empty. Being led back to Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan once the storm had passed. That terrible burning ache that ripped through him when Gaara left him with his teammates—when Gaara had _left_ him again.

He skimmed past it all and let himself be pulled in by his worries about Kyuubi. About losing control and hurting the people he loved most. About being _too weak_.

“Gaara?”

The sound of metal striking wood ceased next to him. “Yes?”

Naruto dropped the kunai he was holding, evidently surprised by the conversation that he’d started. It’d been so quiet between them, and the fact that he could hear Gaara’s voice at all, the validation that he wasn’t _gone forever_ was still sending little shocks throughout his chest.

“Yesterday...when Deidara...Kakashi-sensei told me that Kyuubi came out, and...” He tried to get a hold of himself long enough to finish his thought, “All I remember is wanting to destroy...to _kill_...”

He picked up the kunai and turned it over in his hands, over and over and over.

He heard Gaara sigh next to him.

“Shukaku was like that too,” Gaara said finally.

For some reason, this statement made Naruto’s eyes sting. He put the kunai away and swiped his sleeve across his face, then forced himself to look up at his training partner.

_Of course Gaara would understand. Gaara_ was like _him. Gaara could understand him more than anyone else._

“It’s just that I...” the words died on Naruto’s lips.

Gaara took a step closer to him, and Naruto wanted more than anything to be back in the electrifying grip of those arms again, but he was—

“It’s terrifying. I know.”

Naruto scrubbed at his face with his hands. The words washed over him, sinking deep into his skin.He took a breath and didn’t feel the pinch in his chest that he’d been growing accustomed to.

“Sorry. I’m being kind of a baby about all this, aren’t I?” He laughed, self-consciously.

“No.”

Gaara was even closer now. His green eyes were hard, but not with unkindness.

“Talk to me, Naruto.” His voice was just as hard and serious.

Naruto didn’t know where to begin.

_I thought you were gone forever, and I just lost it._

_There was nothing I could do, and I thought, ‘Fuck it, maybe Kyuubi can.’_

_I trained for three years, and I still can’t save a single person I love._

_In the end, Chiyo had to…_

Gaara reached forward and took one of Naruto’s hands. He squeezed, and the slight pressure coaxed forth the words that had burgeoning at the back of Naruto’s throat.

“Please don’t ever leave me again.”

Gaara’s expression remained unchanged. His stare pierced through the layers of Naruto’s soul, stirring up wisps of emotions that Naruto could not yet name. A thick layer of uncertainty filtered through his mind, masking those feelings again, and making him confused and embarrassed.

“It’s because of you that I’m here right now,” Gaara said, his voice so low that Naruto barely heard him, “You know that, don’t you?”

Watching Gaara’s lips form those words made Naruto wince. He tried to turn his attention elsewhere, but it didn’t help. The air was dry and still, and the sun was still burning.Sweat beaded along the collar of his jacket.

“It’s not your fault.”

Gaara cut straight through to one of his biggest insecurities. The inside of his head swayed, like he was woozy from blood loss (though it was most likely dehydration). How had Gaara known that he blamed himself for all of it?

_Ever since_ _the Valley of the End_ …

Gaara squeezed his hand again, interrupting the spiral of guilt and shame that he routinely cycled through whenever he thought about Sasuke.

“Come with me on my rounds. The medi-nin and advisers won’t let me do them by myself yet, but no one will argue against having the person who saved my life be my accompaniment.”

Naruto didn’t need any time to consider the offer, as any kind of busywork to keep his thoughts occupied on simple things was welcome at the moment. Still, that flickering feeling in his chest made him hesitate.

He took a step back, releasing Gaara’s hand. The loss of contact made his chest feel unpleasantly tight again.

Gaara waited for an answer.

“Oh! Lead the way.”

~~

Gaara and his siblings were there to see off Naruto and his team.

As a shinobi of the Sand Village, Gaara was accustomed to the heat of the sun and the warmth of the arid desert air. Still, he was caught off guard by the blooming embers in his chest when he shook Naruto’s hand goodbye.

“I hope the next time we meet is under more favorable circumstances,” he stated calmly.

With an even tone and a neutral expression, only the heat in his cheeks betrayed that he really liked holding Naruto’s hand.


	2. Chapter 2

A week after the fight with Kakuzu and Hidan, Tsunade called Team 10, Team 7, Neji, and Rock Lee into her office. Naruto wasn’t surprised, after all, Sakura had already informed him of the upcoming assignment (being Tsunade’s apprentice meant that she always had the latest information). In fact, he’d been anxiously waiting to be summoned by the Hokage.

After the death of Asuma, Team 10 was understandably grieving. Tsunade thought it would be best to split them up (and pair them with members of other non-grieving teams) in order to carry out low-risk missions. At least it would serve to distract the shinobi, and she was hoping that the sense of accomplishment that came along with completing a mission might lift their spirits a bit.

Naruto stood at attention in the Hokage’s office, listening to the old lady go over the details of their mission. Each two man cell was to deliver some expensive high tech communication equipment to each of the other four Kage. There wasn’t much of a threat of ambush or attack, but just the fact that the items were so fragile and hard to replace required that higher level shinobi carry out these tasks.

After arriving at their destination, the Leaf shinobi would confirm delivery by powering on the devices and decoding a simple message to unlock the equipment. Taking this into account, Tsunade divided the teams accordingly. Sakura and Ino were assigned to the Mizukage, Chouji and Sai were assigned to the Raikage, Neji and Lee were assigned to the Tsuchikage, which left Shikamaru and Naruto to the Kazekage.

Naruto couldn’t help but feel elated to see Gaara again. The last time he’d been in Suna, he’d been a wreck. This time would be different. He had been working really hard since then, even mastering a new jutsu(though technically he wasn’t supposed to use the Rasenshuriken anymore). Gaara was someone who could understand him well. If he were impressed by how far Naruto had come since the last time they saw each other, then Naruto would know for sure that he was on the right track.

Shizune handed each group their parcels for delivery, while Tsunade repeated once again how expensive and important this equipment was.

“A lot of time, money, and research went into making these things, so I don’t want a scratch on them, you hear?” Tsunade directed imperiously, “But if anything should happen to these devices, it won’t be my wrath that you’ll be facing. No, not the wrath of the other Kage either.”

Her nails tapped along her desk as she watched Shizune finish handing out the packages, then she turned to Ino with a devious grin.

“Ino, your father works with the scientists and researchers who put together these machines. How do you think they’d react to finding out that the product of their _years_ of hard work had been so carelessly damaged?”

Ino visibly blanched, and that response seemed to satisfy the Hokage.

“I see I’ve made my point clear. Now get a move on!”

~~

Naruto never thought of Shikamaru as a talkative individual, but his reluctance to put up with Naruto’s attempts at conversation were even more pronounced on their way to Suna. The trip from Konoha to the Sand Village usually took about four to five days, and Naruto could not imagine keeping up this painful silence for that long. It had only been an hour and already he’d exhausted all the topics he thought might interest Shikamaru in the slightest, and now he was just rambling.

He wasn’t even sure that Shikamaru was really listening to him. They jumped from tree to tree at a leisurely pace, all the while Shikamaru flicked his lighter open and closed. If Naruto was supposed to be taking his mind off his mourning, he was sure doing a poor job of it.

Maybe it was because they were traveling to Suna, but Naruto thought of the time that Gaara had comforted him at the training grounds.

“ _It’s not your fault.”_

Naruto knew that Shikamaru was also someone who would blame himself for things that were out of his control. During the Sasuke retrieval mission, Shikamaru had been the team captain, and Naruto knew that he had blamed himself for the failure of the mission, as well as what had happened to Kiba and Neji.

It wasn’t that far of a logical leap to come to the conclusion that he would blame himself for what happened to Asuma too. Of course, it _wasn’t_ his fault, and he had to know that deep down, but maybe he just needed to be reminded. If such a reminder had once helped Naruto feel slightly less soul-crushing guilt, then there wasn’t any harm in trying…

“Hey, Shikamaru.”

Naruto received no response from the chuunin. He didn’t even miss a beat flicking his lighter, _tc_ _h_ _k, tc_ _h_ _k, tc_ _h_ _k_.

“About Asuma-sensei...It’s not your fault, y’know.”

Shikamaru froze dead in his tracks so quickly that Naruto passed him and had to turn around and make his way back through several tree branches. When he finally got a good look of the expression on Shikamaru’s face, his blood went cold.

If the murderous glare wasn’t enough to let Naruto know that he’d said the wrong thing, the fact that Shikamaru pocketed the lighter and continued on without a word made the point crystal clear.

His brain flailed for what to say or do, and finally a hint of common sense told him to just zip it and keep moving.

_It was going to be a long week._

~~

Shikamaru was silent for the rest of the night and the next morning. As they packed up their things to get on with their second day of travel, Naruto tried apologizing again.

“Sorry, I was just being an idiot, as usual...”

When that didn’t work, he changed tactics back to babbling.

“So what is this thing that we’re delivering anyway? Like, a super powerful radio or something? Some kind of magic mirror that the Kage can look into and use to talk to each other?”

“You know, maybe it’s just a bunch of wires. Or maybe it has nothing to do with communication at all! Maybe Tsunade-baachan is just getting us to deliver all the debts she owes from her days of being a lousy gambler. She did emphasize how expensive all this stuff was.”

Shikamaru cracked a smile, _finally_ , and Naruto was able to breathe a little easier.

~~

On the third day, they reached the beginning of the desert, and Shikamaru was finally putting up with Naruto’s antics and engaging with him in his endless idle chatter.

Apparently Shikamaru had figured out that Tsunade was purposely sending the members of his team on easier missions recently, but he didn’t mind as long as she wasn’t assigning them to stray cat duty. He also was glad for the change of scenery. The last time that Shikamaru had been out here was after the chuunin exams that Naruto missed, to confirm some results with the other proctor, Temari.

“I didn’t know you became such good friends when I was gone,” Naruto exclaimed. This new revelation seemed like good news. Visiting a friend he didn’t get to see that often would surely cheer him up!

“It’s not...like that,” Shikamaru protested, strangely hesitant.

Before Naruto could respond with confusion, a hulking figure dropped in from between them.

“What are a couple of Leaf ninja doing all the way out here?”

Naruto and Shikamaru had instinctively pulled back into defensive positions, but relaxed once they saw who the speaker was.

“Just kidding. We knew you were coming,” Kankuro laughed. His stance was casual, like sneaking up on each other was common between ninja.

“I was just clearing out some giant scorpion nests, and I figured you guys would be coming along this way. I know a short-cut back to the village. It’ll cut down half a day!”

~~

Naruto’s heart made an admirable attempt to burst through his rib cage when he first saw Gaara. The reaction was unexpected, but Naruto didn’t care to read into it that deeply.

Shikamaru handed over the parcel, which Gaara unwrapped in Suna’s Center for Intelligence and Research. The building was branched off from the Kazekage’s headquarters, but it seemed to be a much later addition to the structure. The particular room in which they stood was filled with dozens of screens and monitors and beeping equipment, the likes of which Naruto had never seen before. He wasn’t surprised to realize that he didn’t know where Konoha kept their research center—he was certain they would never let him in.

Inside the parcel was another box wrapped with a seal. Gaara bit his thumb, smearing his blood across the paper, and it gave way to reveal a rather unimpressive gray rectangular device wrapped in some thick black wires. Naruto felt himself losing interest almost immediately. As far as he was concerned, the rest of the mission was up to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru seemed to know what to do. He unwrapped the wires and began plugging them into another of the giant boxy machines in the room. Several Suna researchers and Temari crowded him as he worked, much to his displeasure. When everything was finally assembled, a message appeared on the screen to the left of the setup. This was the code that Shikamaru would have to figure out in order to unlock the device so that Suna could actually use it.

Naruto approached Gaara, who was also hanging back from the bubble of people discussing the jumbled characters on the screen.

“Hey Gaara! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Gaara gave a small smile. “It’s good to see you again, Naruto. Thank you for delivering the communication equipment.”

Naruto felt embarrassed from the undeserved praise. It hadn’t been a difficult mission, they hadn’t faced any opposition, even the weather had been nice for their entire journey.

“Ah, it’s nothing...” He wanted to say more, but his mouth was having a hard time forming words. It was like his tongue was numb and two sizes too big and _why was this happening all of the sudden_?

He swallowed thickly and tried to think of one of the several tangents he’d bored Shikamaru with over the past few days. Even when Shikamaru hadn’t responded to what he’d been saying, he hadn’t had as much trouble as he was having now trying to get his brain and voice to cooperate.

“We heard about what happened with the Leaf Village and the Akatsuki. It will be very useful to get this new communication protocol set up, so that we can relay messages between villages faster.”

Naruto nodded along dumbly, more focused on the movement of Gaara’s lips than what he was actually saying. And the room felt so hot, he was sweating. He glanced over at Shikamaru, who seemed annoyed but in his typical way. Definitely not experiencing whatever weird sensation that Naruto was.

“...Tsunade’s correspondence noted that you developed a new jutsu...”

“Wind shuriken,” Naruto confirmed, his voice hoarse. He grabbed at the canteen that was slung across his body and gulped down the water, hoping it would help.

He ran out of water, but his mouth was still dry.

He stumbled along a few beats more of the conversation before Shikamaru thankfully came to his rescue. “So...Tsunade-sama said that this code was supposed to be simple, but... _she_ didn’t program it. I guess whoever did got a little overzealous...or worried that it would be stolen and held for ransom...I don’t know. Point is, it’s gonna take a little while to crack. You probably don’t wanna wait around...”

Naruto hadn’t thought this far in advance about their mission. It wasn’t like he expected to travel four days, drop off a package, and then turn right back around for another four to five day journey, but…

“We anticipated for the worst case scenario and prepared a room for you. I’ll take Naruto there now, and I’m sure Temari can bring you later.”

Shikamaru dipped his head. “Sorry for the inconvenience.”

He returned back to the screen, leaving Naruto with Gaara again.

“Ready?” Gaara asked.

Naruto could feel his heart beating in his chest, and it felt too strong and too pulpy. Maybe it was just this room. He rubbed at his face, grains of sand that had accumulated from the outside scratching across his skin.

“Roger!” he said weakly, giving an attempt at a grin.

He followed Gaara back outside, and soon they were leaping across roofs together. The activity in his limbs and the abrasive swipe of the sandy breeze made him feel better. _Maybe it had been something in that room after all_. Maybe he was allergic to someone’s perfume, or maybe the idea of being around all that invaluable breakable equipment had put him on edge.

When Gaara stopped and seated himself on the eaves of one particular roof, Naruto assumed they had arrived at the place where he and Shikamaru were to be staying.

Naruto joined him sitting on the roof’s edge, dangling his legs over the blunted face of the building. The architecture in Suna relied heavily on curves, though Naruto supposed that the sandstorms had a hand in wearing down any points or sharp angles.

“You seem...preoccupied,” Gaara said slowly.

Naruto’s stomach hardened with guilt. He felt like he’d been caught doing something wrong, even though he himself had no idea why his body was reacting so bizzarely.

“I’m sorry if...the last time you were in Sunagakure...if that experience left a bad taste in your mouth...” Gaara continued.

Naruto’s eyes widened, and he had no trouble with his next words. “No! It’s not that! I don’t have anything against Suna, really!”

Gaara waited, his eyes patient and concerned. The weight of his full attention on Naruto was a little overwhelming, and it was at that moment that Naruto _realized_.

This was no allergy, but he’d definitely come down with something.

“I—uh—well—you know—”

He fumbled to get his words right. He wanted to be honest, but his feelings had only just dawned on him, and it was a lot to take in at once. He couldn’t just present that mess to the Kazekage and expect things to go over well.

“It’s like you said before...that you hoped we’d meet again under better circumstances. And yeah. It’s just. It’s just nice. To be here. With you.”

He peeled his eyes away from Gaara and stared down at the village below. There wasn’t much activity to focus on, so he just drew his eyes along the smooth lines that made up the city. His face felt hot and raw where he’d scratched it with sand earlier.

Gaara didn’t say anything for a long time. The longer the silence went on, the more worried Naruto was to turn and gauge his reaction. They were alike in so many ways, and Gaara understood him so well. He had sensed that Naruto was nervous. Could he also tell…?

“It is nice,” Gaara said finally, which seemed to be his conclusion on the matter.

A sense of relief brushed over him with the next breeze, and he exhaled deeply. Tension he didn’t know he had been holding flooded out of him as he let himself relax against the hot scratchy material of the roof.

They watched the village together for some time. The edge of Gaara’s hand slowly came to rest against Naruto’s, then some of their fingers were overlapping. The next time Naruto looked down, they were holding hands.

Though Naruto couldn’t articulate what this meant, he knew it felt _nice_ and that was enough.

~~

Gaara and Naruto were still holding hands on the roof when Shikamaru and Temari showed up, hours later. Naruto thought Gaara might pull his hand away as the others approached, but he didn’t. Following his example, Naruto didn’t either.

It made him feel a little embarrassment, but also a kind of radiant pride. The feeling brought forward an old memory from his days at the academy, where he’d finally won a sparring match and his opponent had praised him as they made the unison sign together. He was proud because _look, he’d made it, he’d done it, he was here_ , yet embarrassed because _he should have gotten to this point long ago_.

Undoubtedly Shikamaru noticed, but his expression gave no indication that he did. He simply thanked Temari and then dropped in through the open window of the room assigned to the Leaf shinobi.

Temari noticed and either did nothing to hide her surprise or was unable to stop her eyes from widening and her chest expanding as she heaved a great gulp of air. She didn’t mention anything about it though. She simply said her goodbye to Shikamaru and then, in an eerily calm and quiet tone, told Gaara that they should be going and that the Konoha shinobi probably needed their rest.

Only when Gaara was standing next to her on the adjacent roof was she able to face Naruto and stutter, “S-see you tomorrow.”

Gaara waved.

Naruto stayed on the roof a while longer. The sun had set by now, and the temperature was dropping rapidly. It wasn’t that he was afraid of what Shikamaru might say to him. It wasn’t even that he wanted the time alone to process things.

For the time being, there was still a heat in his chest. He felt suspended between seconds, like he’d slipped out of this time-space just as the last strands of light snapped across the horizon. He wanted to linger in the moment as long as he could, at least, until the chill got to him and he finally crawled through the window and shut it behind him.

Shikamaru was already asleep.

~~

Naruto wasn’t sure what to do with himself the next day. He knew he wouldn’t really be any help to Shikamaru, but the thought of aimlessly walking around the streets of Suna didn’t appeal to him either. He ended up following Shikamaru to the Research Center, hoping that he could at least see Gaara there.

Gaara wasn’t there, but Temari was. As Naruto paced and fidgeted, unnerving the small group of code breakers, Temari suggested that that he assist Kankuro in getting rid of the giant scorpions near the village perimeter.

“It’s always bad this time of year, and when the nests are destroyed, some of them escape and come towards the village. If you’re bored, they won’t refuse an extra set of hands.”

Naruto couldn’t argue with her logic, and found himself waiting at the village gate with the next squad to relieve the previous shift. Fortunately, he didn’t have to wait long. As soon as he had introduced himself to the members of the team by the gate, they were given the signal to proceed into the desert.

“A Konoha shinobi, huh? I don’t remember seeing you at the chuunin exams,” one of the members, Sen, said as they followed the tiniest member and leader of their team, a girl with pigtails and huge eyes called Yome.

“Ah, yeah, I couldn’t make it. I was training,” Naruto explained.

The remaining member of their team, Shira, looked at Naruto with surprise. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but was interrupted when Yome called out.

“It’s coming up on our right. Forty-five degrees. Look alive!”

Naruto felt the rumbling before he saw the massive claw burst from the ground about fifty paces ahead. The team they had come to relieve was falling back, ragged and tired. One of them appeared to be injured.

The scorpion scuttled towards the weakened shinobi, ignoring the newcomers completely. It whipped its tail forward, aimed right at the visibly hurtteammate. Naruto felt his heart sink as he knew they wouldn’t get there in time. He tossed a kunai laced with a paper bomb, hoping that the scorpion would try to deflect the explosion with its tail. It didn’t seem to care.

The explosion went off, and Naruto didn’t see what happened. A hazy cloud of sand and dust surrounded him, and by the time he and Sen made it through, he didn’t see the injured ninja anywhere in sight.

“Where—?”

“Over there!” Yome called, as if reading his mind.

He looked to where she was pointing as she charged past him to engage with the scorpion. Shira, cloaked in a yellow aura, had gathered the wounded shinobi in his arms and carried them to a stone outcropping that was out of range for the giant bug.

Naruto couldn’t understand how Shira had been so fast, but he didn’t have time to think about it. He turned his attention to the scorpion, ready to tag-team with Sen to take it down.

As the medical ninja of the team, Yome fell back, retreating to Shira. Sen took her place, and Naruto posted up opposite her so they could attack from both sides.

The scorpion spun towards Naruto, its tail swishing around in pursuit ofSen. He couldn’t see what happened to her as he dodged one of the pincers that lurched for him. He summoned a few shadow clones, and together they jumped on top of its claw as the scorpion pulled it back, ready to strike again.

The shell was smooth, and it was hard to find purchase. Clones tumbled off and disintegrated as Naruto struggled to hang on to the piece of shell where the joint segmented. The scorpion, angered by the assault from Sen, reared on its hind legs, all while shaking its claw to try and dislodge Naruto.

Realizing that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with his current position, Naruto let go and allowed himself to be tossed. He tumbled through the air, rolling as he landed on the unforgiving dry ground. As he struggled to his feet, he saw Shira zoom past him, maneuvering between the legs of the beast, trying to take them out one-by-one with taijutsu.

The scorpion snaked its tail under itself, seeking out Shira. Naruto ran for him, creating a clone to help him form Rasengan before disappearing. He ducked through the thrashing legs and slammed the ball of chakra into the side of the stinger. The force pushed it back so that it missed Shira, but the shell itself was wholly undamaged.

“Aim for the segments, that’s where it’s weak,” Shira called, stabbing his fist into its underbelly. The creature screamed and reared back again. One of its legs caught Shira, tearing a gash through his upper arm and flinging him out of range.

“Shira!” Naruto shouted, starting towards where he’d landed. The scorpion's armored legs blocked his way, one coming down by his shoulder, close enough to tear the fabric of his jacket.

“Damn it,” he muttered, realizing he wouldn’t be able to get to the other shinobi without making a serious dent in the bug on top of him. He wove the signs for more shadow clones, and they charged for any and all seams in the shell. When three of the six legs buckled, he realized he was not in an ideal spot.

Sen appeared from underneath the tail and rushed towards Naruto.

“Help me get to the eyes, and I can trap it in my genjutsu,” she cried, zigzagging her way around the only remaining leg that stood trembling on the right.

“Got it!” he called, following her out from under the arachnid’s abdomen. He and his army of clones clustered around her, sprinting towards the head of the beast, ready to deflect any hits that might incapacitate her.

Despite its unstable foundation, the scorpion still had full use of its claws and jaw. In one swipe it grabbed a bundle of clones and Naruto and lifted them overhead. Most of the clones popped, and Naruto couldn’t escape from the tight grip cinched across his waist. He scrabbled weakly at the shell, his fingernails unable to catch on the smooth texture.

He saw the pointed stinger coming right for him, and his stomach pulsed. Kyuubi was not about to let things go this way.

A burst of orange chakra tore open the claw, cracking it apart at its hinge. Naruto landed on his feet and scoured the area for Sen. Somehow she’d made it to be standing on the scorpion’s head, and her fans were pushing glittery puffs of air in front of its many eyes.

The genjutsu seemed to be working because the bug froze. With that out of the way, Naruto looked around for Shira and—

He and Yome were fighting off _another_ scorpion.

Naruto started towards them, only to be thrown onto his back as the earth under his feet erupted. His head hit theground hard, and for a second he couldn’t breathe. The giant black shape loomed over him, and Kyuubi’s chakra sizzled in his veins, screaming at him to get up.

A leg came down hard, plunging through his left forearm. He didn’t even feel the pain, but the sight wasn’t too pretty. His vision was starting to blur red and black, and the sound of the world blurred too, until it was nothing more than a muffled murmur. He recognized the meaning behind the sudden diminished ability of his senses, but he was powerless to stop the transition.

_Defend...destroy…_

With what little consciousness that still belonged to him, Naruto watched as sand crawled along the scorpion’s body, concentrating in every crack and crevice and joint. The ropes of sand pulled tight, squeezing until it sliced clean through. Chunks of meat and shell rained towards him, but the sand moved to block their impact.

Kyuubi took a step back inside Naruto’s psyche, but left his cloak of chakra behind just in case.

His body immobile, Naruto let his eyes dart around in search of his savior. _He had to be here. It had to be him._

When Gaara’s face appeared over his, he knew he was safe.

~~

Gaara took the team out for yakiniku later. He sat close to Naruto on the side of his bandaged arm, as if he were defending it from further injury.

Shikamaru and Temari were there too.

“Can’t leave you alone for two minutes,” Shikamaru had said, when he’d first seen Naruto all bandaged up at Suna’s hospital.

“Well, now you can take your time working on the code,” Naruto had responded, laughing sheepishly and scratching at the back of his neck.

Shikamaru closed his eyes, his lips forming into a small smile at the irony of the situation. “Yeah, well...we finished all that up this afternoon actually.”

Feeling guilty, Naruto had tried to insist that he would be fine to travel back to Konoha, but then Gaara was there, with an aura around him dark and thick like a pit of tar stopping everything in its tracks.

“Don’t be foolish and risk infection or worse. Suna is more than capable to accommodate you for a few extra days.”

The mood had lightened significantly since they’d started eating, but Gaara still seemed more closed off than usual. Naruto was confused. It was as if Gaara was mad at him or something, but that didn’t explain why Gaara hadn’t left his side since cutting down the giant scorpion.

Gaara wouldn’t even look him in the eye.

Across the table, Shira’s team seemed to be catching up with Shikamaru.

“You’re the proctor from the first part of the chuunin exams!”

“How is Rock Lee doing?”

Naruto picked at his rice, his stomach continuously trying and failing to tie itself into a knot. The reminder that he’d been gone for three years while everyone else had moved on _with each other, without him_ was weird and didn’t sit well. _Everything_ regarding Gaara was weird, and it certainly wasn’t helping his appetite.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Temari said.

Naruto looked up at her, surprised.

“I’m the one who suggested you go along for scorpion duty. I should have known better,” she explained.

“Don’t worry about it,” Naruto started to say.

Shikamaru interrupted him. “Yeah, just think of how bad it would have made Suna look if a Konoha shinobi got hurt on a delivery mission.”

It was the kind of dry joke that Shikamaru typically made, and Naruto expected Temari to catch on and elbow him in the ribs or something. Instead she just looked down in her lap, apparently embarrassed.

“You’re not wrong,” Gaara agreed.

~~

The next day, Shikamaru seemed content to just lay around doing nothing. Unable to withstand more than thirty minutes of idle time, Naruto ended up wandering around the village by himself. He had an appointment to get his bandages changed at Suna’s hospital not too much later, so he kept his meandering in the area.

The sun was hot and unfiltered by any clouds. The wind was dry and grating and only came by every so often to remind him why so few people loitered around the village during the day. He couldn’t train because of his injury, and the team he had met yesterday was out on scorpion duty again today. Boredom truly had him by the throat.

He didn’t really want to think about Gaara, but the only other topic that his mind kept coming back to was the Akatsuki, and that was much worse. Gaara was just confusing.

Why had he held Naruto’s hand for so long? Why did he sit so closely next to him? _How fast was his heart beating when he sliced that scorpion to bits?_

He let the thoughts drift around inside him until he found himself outside of the Suna Hospital. In an ironic twist of fate, his body had unconsciously delivered him on time. The visit was clean and efficient. He left with fresh new bandages and the head doctor’s okay to depart from the village tomorrow. Naruto wasn’t sure how he felt about the news.

As soon as he exited the hospital doors, he felt a familiar presence of chakra. Gaara was leaning against the front of the hospital, ostensibly waiting for something.

Naruto’s heart leapt to his throat, pushing his greeting out of his mouth. “Gaara, hey!”

Gaara moved away from the wall and approached him. _Had he been waiting for_ —?

“Come,” he said, not looking behind to see if Naruto was following.

Naruto looked around, as if there were someone else that the Kazekage had been addressing. When he didn’t notice anyone else, he followed. He was reminded of the last time he’d been in the Sand Village, when Gaara had led him to shelter out of the sandstorm.

“Where are we going?” Naruto asked, after catching up.

Gaara didn’t answer right away, and he didn’t turn his eyes to look at Naruto.

“Nowhere in particular,” he said finally.

Unsure of what to make of that and uneasy at the silence, Naruto let himself babble.

“Thanks for yesterday, you know, the scorpion? I mean, I guess I already told you, but still. Thanks again. It was pretty lucky that you showed up when you did. Ehhh, but you know, I’ve already healed a lot. The doctor said I can go home tomorrow...”

Gaara’s pace slowed, but he didn’t say anything.

Naruto’s uneasiness spread.

“Uhh, Gaara, is everything okay?

Gaara stopped and finally brought his eyes to meet Naruto’s. There was something in his stare that seemed sensitive.

“If I had been there sooner, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. And if I had been any later...”

He trailed off, swallowing the rest of his words. Naruto almost felt it in his own throat.

Gaara had every reason to be upset about Naruto getting hurt. Shikamaru had been right, that it wouldn’t reflect well on Sungakure, that further injury might have even weakened the trust between their respective villages. But Naruto didn’t hear any of that reasoning behind Gaara’s voice.

“… reminded of that time, of what I put you through. I’m sorry.”

Naruto shook his head. He didn’t want to unearth _that_ memory again. He didn’t want Gaara to ever experience seeing his friend’s broken body, lifeless, on the ground at his feet. Just the fact that Gaara was reminded of that situation by seeing the Leaf ninja in danger made Naruto’s stomach turn.

“One of these days, hopefully, you can have a good experience in Suna,” Gaara continued, “Maybe the next time you visit...”

“Why not now?” Naruto asked, his voice edged with challenge.

The skin between Gaara’s eyes creased up into his forehead in confusion. “Sure, but what—”

“Just this,” Naruto said, trying to keep the waviness inside his chest out of his voice. With a swell of confidence and foolishness, he grasped one of Gaara’s hands. “This time together...yeah...”

Gaara’s eyes fell down Naruto’s shoulder, along his arm, to where their hands were connected. Every inch of Naruto’s skin that had been swept over by his gaze burned.

“Just this,” Gaara repeated softly. “ _Just_ this?”

Naruto couldn’t believe that he’d heard correctly. Heat blossomed all over his body, and he wanted to look away, but Gaara’s stare had him pinned in place. Even if he had heard correctly, and he had understood what Gaara meant, and even though there really wasn’t anyone around…

The sun beat down on him, and the next breeze kissed the beads of sweat that were forming on his exposed skin. He was very aware that they were in public, and if he was reading the situation wrong and made some kind of unwanted advance towards the Kazekage—

Everything stopped when he felt Gaara’s fingertips brush against his whisker marks. His breathing. His thoughts. His heartbeat. He could see Gaara’s hand on his cheek, but he couldn’t make sense of his vision. He was so stirred up inside that he felt like Kyuubi was taking over, even though he knew that wasn’t the case.

Those lines in Naruto’s face had branded him since he was born. Any person in Konoha who had lived through the night of Kyuubi’s attack knew what they meant. He knew what they saw in him when they noticed those marks. He could see the fear and hatred they drew forth. He had always, _always_ resented those marks, every time he saw a reflection of himself. It was okay if people hated him for being loud or obnoxious or a troublemaker. He was those things on his own accord. But when strangers saw the whiskers on his face and hardened their eyes and turned their backs, he couldn’t stand it.

And now, Gaara was voluntarily tracing along those lines with the slightest most delicate contact. As if they were made of some fragile material that he didn’t want to break but couldn’t help but touch. As if they were worth something, as if Naruto were worth more than Gaara could express with words.

The dry breeze picked up and scattered particles of sand that stung Naruto’s eyes and throat.

Gaara’s eyes were full of an emotion that Naruto was afraid to name.

“Gaara,” he breathed.

Gaara’s hand fell away.

“Come?” This time it was more of a question.

Naruto had no ability to answer any way except affirmatively. He followed the Kazekage through Suna’s dusty streets, barely paying attention to their surroundings because he was still stuck on the way that Gaara had not let go of his hand. He wondered if Gaara could feel the way his blood was surging under his skin.

Gaara led them to one of the archive rooms in Suna’s administrative building.

“If they see me in my office, they’ll bother us,” Gaara noted, “But no one ever comes in here...”

Naruto felt oddly self-conscious, alone in the room with Gaara. This wasn’t like the time on the roof, or even like a few minutes earlier, in the street. There was some intention behind why they were here now, and the weight of that expectation hung heavy over Naruto’s shoulders.

But, the familiarity of the room was somewhat grounding. All of Konoha’s archive rooms looked just like this. Stacks and stacks of bookshelves, overcrowded with tomes and scrolls and boxes of files. A few desks crowded with papers and pencils, rulers, maybe a compass or some other random object. Well-worn wooden chairs, half broken, with threadbare cushions.

Gaara returned all of his attention to Naruto, the intensity of his stare making Naruto’s knees feel weak.

“Do you...You feel it too, right?” Gaara asked.

With his hand that wasn’t holding Naruto’s, he gripped at the fabric over his chest—over his heart.

“In here.”

Naruto knew exactly what he meant. His own heart gave one last kick against his ribs as he stuttered out, “Y-yeah...”

Gaara’s eyes widened like he hadn’t expected that answer. “Oh.”

He looked away quickly, his eyes scanning across a shelf of books like he was looking for something. Naruto noticed that his ears and parts of his neck were mottled with red.

Naruto squeezed Gaara’s hand. There was a tentative dizzy-happy-nervous feeling rising in his core, but he almost didn’t want to let himself feel it yet. In case this was all some kind of crazy dream. In case he was wildly misunderstanding what was happening. _In case...in case…_

Gaara moved closer towards him, his eyes still averted. “Can I—?”

“Yes.” Naruto did not know what Gaara was going to ask, but whatever it was, he knew he wanted it.

Gaara’s eyes met his again, and Naruto recognized his expression as _nervous_. The realization made him feel a little better about his own skittishness and the fact that he was seeking comfort from musty old furniture and piles of out-of-print books.

Gaara closed his eyes and came even closer. Naruto held his breath, longing for what would come next. As Gaara’s face drew ever closer, Naruto let his own eyes fall shut. Lungs burning, he leaned forward too, blindly anticipating what his first _real_ kiss would feel like.

Somehow, Gaara’s forehead pressed up against Naruto’s hitai-ate, and then their noses bumped together, and then finally, after some better angling, their lips touched. Gaara’s kiss was warm and soft and _right_. He held them pressed together like that for the longest and shortest moment of Naruto’s life, and then his lips moved, coming apart slightly and dragging across Naruto’s.

Naruto exhaled shakily through his nose. He could feel the warmth of Gaara’s breath on his lips, and he wasn’t sure how to proceed. By the time he thought to do something with his own mouth, Gaara had leaned back. His eyes were skimming Naruto, up and down. His mouth was still slightly open, his breathing a little hastened. He seemed kind of...shocked. Like a spark had jumped from Naruto’s lips to his when they’d kissed, and he didn’t know what to make of it.

Naruto traced his gaze up along the bridge of Gaara’s nose and across the smooth skin of his forehead made jagged by pieces of his red hair. His eyes caught on the scar-tattoo, ‘Love.’

Naruto felt like he was in love right now.

“Thank you,” Gaara said quietly. His face was splotched pink, and he pressed his knuckles into his cheek and cast his eyes to the floor.

“For what?” Naruto asked, genuinely confused.

Gaara looked up at him again. Each time their eyes met, a whirlwind of emotions cascaded over Naruto, pushing and pulling and trapping him in currents of hot and cold. It took effort to grab hold of any of his thoughts, and then he’d look at Gaara and they’d scatter all over again. He stood still but felt dizzy, and he held onto Gaara’s hand like it was the only thing keeping him from steady on his feet.

“I’ve wanted to...for a long time...” Gaara murmured.

The words hit hard, sending him deeper into his daze. He couldn’t be sure that he hadn’t just broken all his ribs from the way his heart had swelled.

“Then I should thank you too,” Naruto replied, wishing he could pour out what he was feeling into each of his words.

Gaara’s mouth squirmed, and then he smiled.

“Naruto...” Gaara’s eyes were bright and full of hope. “I made a promise to you that I would never leave you again.” He paused, and pulled Naruto’s hand into his chest, clasping it in both of his. “Please, promise that you will come back to me.”

The words were light on his tongue and spilled past his lips with the next breath he drew. “I promise.”

Of all the promises that Naruto had made to others in the past, this felt like a promise that he was making to himself as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, this event obviously doesn't actually happen in canon. But! I meticulously looked over the timeline (of both the manga and anime arcs) and determined that this COULD have happened at this time. Also, looking over the timeline makes you realize how quickly all of Shippuden happens (only about a year and a half). Originally I wanted this to be a light fluffy chapter where they have this cute first kiss (and break up all of the drama that is canon), but lol, it didn't turn out like that. I partially blame Code Lyoko...I've been rewatching it and I think the crabs really inspired me to write the fight with the scorpions.   
> Anyway, the next two chapters were originally written as one chapter, but it got so long that I know I have to split it in two. So, I need to figure out how to do that...


	3. Chapter 3

“Your eyes are just like they were back then,” Gaara said to Sasuke.

The rouge ninja was crouched in a defensive position. One eye was shut and bleeding. His lip was split and swollen. He would not make it out of here alive if he kept this up. And still, Gaara could see that his words had no effect.

Gaara thought back to the first time he had met Sasuke.

“ _You have the same eyes as me,” he had said, with no trace of irony in his voice. He’d been so angry back then. So hurt. Desiring to inflict that same pain on everyone else around him. “Eyes looking for power, filled to the brim with hatred and the intent to kill. Eyes that seek the death of the one who put you through the hell of being alone.”_

Back then, he had thought that he had understood Sasuke. That he and Sasuke were alike in that way, and maybe they had been. Gaara had changed since then, while Sasuke continued to reject those around him. He clad himself in guilt and loneliness and pressed forward selfishly, deluding himself into thinking that his singular actions could make anything right.

Sasuke needed to wake up, and Gaara tried to appeal to him. He didn’t have to take this path, Gaara knew it from his own experience. Naruto had pulled him from his fate of self-destruction, and if Gaara could just extend his feelings in that same way to the rogue ninja…

“Now I know that living only for revenge will resolve nothing.” He stood his ground, solid in his stance with his arms crossed. Temari and Kankuro were by his side, supporting him even now in what was probably a foolish attempt to reason with an international terrorist who was too far gone. “There’s still time to stop this. Don’t become a slave to the hatred and hide in a world by yourself. You won’t be able to return.”

Sasuke wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood that was running down his chin. He smirked like he had everything figured out. Like Gaara was telling him the stupidest joke in the world.

“And? What would be there for me if I returned?” His voice sounded like the hissing of melting ice. His question was rhetorical, but he waited as if he couldn’t wait to hear whatever wrong answer Gaara would give him.

“Gaara, stop. Even Naruto couldn’t persuade him,” Kankuro interjected, “He’s just a petty criminal who’s fallen so low as to join the Akatsuki.”

_Even Naruto couldn’t persuade him…_

_That’s why...that’s why_...Gaara had to.

If Gaara and Sasuke were so different now, of course Naruto, someone always so full of love and light, would not be able to connect with the Uchiha. Naruto may have been an annoyance in order to seek attention, but he had never honed his loneliness and pain into a weapon. He had never sharpened the edges of his hurt and drove it through an innocent’s chest.

Gaara knew what it was like to _take_ just because you _could_. If anyone had a chance of getting through to Sasuke now, it had to be Gaara.

Temari added on to what Kankuro had said. “On top of that, the Raikage, as well as others who have been attacked by Akatsuki, won’t let him go. When he attacked the Five Kage Summit, he became internationally wanted. No matter what path he takes from here, he has no future."

Gaara’s mouth pressed into a thin line. He wanted to do what Naruto had done for him. Not only did he owe it to Naruto for saving his life, but he knew that Naruto was still trying on his own. Naruto would put his life on the line to bring his friend back. Gaara had to save Sasuke for Naruto’s sake, because Naruto loved him too.

“Sasuke, you are like me. We have walked in the darkness of this world. Because of that, even the smallest flicker of light should be able to reach your eyes. Back then, and now.”

Back then, three years ago, Naruto had chased after Sasuke with a cohort of other Leaf shinobi. Ever since then, Naruto had not yielded from that pursuit. He’d embraced the challenge, going so far as to isolate himself from all of his friends to train alone.

This bastard would throw all of that away, and for what?

“I closed my eyes a long time ago,” Sasuke declared, his voice smug, “Now, my goal lies solely within the darkness.”

There was only one way this was going to go, and it would break Naruto’s heart. Gaara knew how much this meant to Konoha’s jinchuuriki. Sasuke was one of the first people to reach out to him, to give him a reason to try and climb out of his own darkness. It was partly because of him that Naruto had been able to grow and form bonds and ultimately rescue Gaara from that same torment.

Could Gaara move against Sasuke when doing so would inflict so much pain on the person he loved?

Kankuro seemed to notice his hesitation. “Don’t let personal feelings interfere. You are the Kazekage.”

Gaara’s eyes stung, and he let them close. Sand unfurled from the gourd on his back, grain by grain, painfully slowly. He was giving Sasuke every chance to make some other decision. _Any_ other decision than this.

“Yeah, I know.” He forced his eyes open, a tear escaping down his cheek. Ultimately, he knew the line had already been crossed.

_I’m sorry, Naruto._

Sand burst from behind him like a pair of wings unfolding, ready to take flight. Beside him, Temari snapped open her fan, and Kankuro braced himself.

Sasuke opened his other eye.

Sand protected Gaara from the black flames that pulsed into existence all around him, controlled by Sasuke’s Amaterasu. The rogue ninja was cloaked in a cold purple chakra, dense and thick like a poisonous miasma.

“Looks like your absolute defense is still doing its job,” Sasuke remarked dryly.

A shinobi from the Lightning Village, Darui, joined the lineup on the side opposing Sasuke.

“Work with us, Sand,” he commanded. Wasting no time, his hands began forming seals.

Kankuro and Temari were quick to follow his cue. Gaara joined in as well, knowing they would have a better chance of taking Sasuke down with a combined attack.

“Raiton: Laser Circus.”

“Akahigi, Kiki Sankaku.”

“Ookamaitachi.”

“Rendan Suna Shigure.”

Electricity, wind, sand, and projectiles all converged into one assault. Sasuke made no move to dodge, and the resulting explosion sent shock waves and detritus back at the allied shinobi. The earthen ceiling above them, weakened from the blast, began to crack and crumble.

As the tremors died down and the dust began to settle, a dark purple form pierced through the space where Sasuke had been standing. Steady on his feet again, Gaara noticed that the Uchiha’s chakra signal hadn’t disappeared or lessened, but had somehow congealed into something much stronger and colder.

“Gaara, witness the true absolute defense.”

Sasuke stood in the center of what appeared to be a ghostly skeleton figure. The chakra emanating from its core was densely packed and felt almost magnetic.

Awestruck, Gaara could only stare. “Is this the power of darkness?”

The skeletal apparition rose up and shattered the ceiling. Shards of rock and massive hunks of dirt rained down on them. More cracks raced along the already damaged plane above them, and Gaara wasn’t the only one to realize that they had to get out or risk being caught in the collapse.

In front of them, Sasuke continued to speak. “This is the power that only those with the Mangekyou Sharingan in both eyes can attain. The third power, Susano’o.”

More rocks tumbled down, and in the chaos, the Sand and Lightning shinobi had already started evacuating. A thick haze of dust obscured their vision and burned Gaara’s already stinging eyes and throat.

Sasuke’s Susano’o grabbed a hold of the Akatsuki kunoichi, and the both of them were raised through the ceiling and out of sight. Gaara didn’t see the other two teammates that had accompanied Sasuke, but the imminent cave-in negated his ability to fully scope the area.

Besides, it didn’t really matter anyway. He had been unable to get his point across to Sasuke, and the choice he made was clear and irreversible. The outcomes from this were all lose-lose.

His siblings’ earlier words echoed in his head.

“ _Even Naruto couldn’t convince him.”_

“ _No matter what path he takes from here, he has no future.”_

Gaara let his body follow his siblings to the main floor, all the while his eyes weren’t really seeing anything. The clammy feeling of failure stretched across his skin.

_Naruto…_

_Naruto, what would you have done?_

~~

Leaving the summit, Gaara was anxious to see Naruto. The Leaf Village had to know about what had happened concerning their rogue ninja. They would have to accept that he had made himself their enemy.

Kakashi, who was with Naruto, would be able to transmit the information back to the Leaf Village. He could act as Hokage in the interim, Gaara had no doubt. Madara had declared war on the entire shinobi world, and there was no more time for preparation. The chips would fall as they might.

The whole idea was so unfathomable that Gaara could not begin to wrap his head around it. An all out war between all of the shinobi villages and the Akatsuki? He couldn’t picture it, at all. His mind just kept swerving back to thoughts of Naruto, and how disappointed he would be to hear about what Sasuke had done—what he had made himself into.

They arrived at their destination, and Naruto, Kakashi, Yamato, and Sai were already standing outside. Naruto had his face in his hands. His body was slouched. The others were looking at him with concern.

Gaara landed in the snow hard. The impact sent shivers of bitter cold pain up his shins to his knees. His siblings appeared on either side of him soon after. They weren’t standing close enough for Gaara to actually feel any heat from them, but their presence made Gaara feel a bit warmer nonetheless.

Naruto looked up at them with some alarm. The other Leaf ninja seemed less surprised.

Temari got right to the point. “There is something you must hear immediately. We will tell you everything that happened at the Five Kage Summit.”

She was clear and concise with her words as she explained Sasuke’s attack. All the while that she spoke, Gaara couldn’t help but keep his eyes trained on Naruto. His head was down, his eyes looking somewhere a thousand yards away in the bleak white snow. It didn’t really appear that he was listening to Temari, or that he was even experiencing anything that was going on around him. If Gaara hadn’t known better, he might have thought that Naruto was caught up in a genjutsu, his mind immersed in a completely different world altogether.

To see Naruto like this, so lethargic and clearly in pain...it _hurt_.

“I see,” Yamato said, once Temari had finished recounting the events, “To think that it has come to this...After all, Danzo...”

Kakashi spoke up. “I don’t really want to become Hokage, but if the situation requires me to accept….I’ll have to return to the Leaf Village and hear what everyone has to say...”

“Madara has declared war!” Temari protested sharply, “There is no time to deliberate!”

Gaara could sense the anger rising in his sister, but he remained silent. If the villages didn’t cooperate, then everything would be inconsequential. The Sand could only state the facts, and what the Leaf decided to do was not under their control.

“I’m sure everyone will approve right away,” Yamato said, “We should have them proceed as if you are the Hokage, Kakashi-senpai. If our response is delayed and the Akatsuki and Madara take the advantage, that would be dangerous.”

“Well, I guess you’re right,” Kakashi replied, “Thanks.”

A strong gust of wind slapped cold wet snowflakes against Gaara’s face, but he made no move to wipe them away. His stare remained on Naruto, who still had yet to say a single word.

“And then, about Sasuke…” Kakashi continued, his voice trailing off.

Yamato sighed. “For him to attack the summit...”

Beside them, Naruto was still. Even his chest did not move with his breathing, if he was even breathing at all. It was as if the icy landscape around them has frozen him solid too. Snow accumulated in his hair and eyelashes, threatening to pile over him completely like the snow covered ground under their feet.

A flash of anache in Gaara’s chest illuminated the words in his heart that he knew he needed to say.

“Naruto, this is a battle to protect the Hachibi and the Kyuubi. First and foremost, _you_. And for the sake of all shinobi,” Gaara announced, “As Kazekage, I would give my life to protect _only you_. If Uchiha Sasuke confronts the Allied Shinobi Forces as a member of the Akatsuki, I will show no mercy.”

He paused, thinking back to the dark stain of aura that surrounded Sasuke at the summit. His will was rigid, planted in revenge and nourished with hatred. He didn’t allow any other influence to penetrate the bone-chilling chakra that surrounded him. He was concerned for himself and himself alone. He was what Gaara would have become, if Naruto had not interfered.

“Sasuke doesn’t see you. All he wants is darkness.”

Naruto’s eyes flicked to him, his expression wide-open with surprise, disbelief, reluctant acceptance.

“Naruto, you told me, ‘I’m going to become the Hokage.’ Since then, I have become the Kazekage.”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed into sharp slits that stabbed though Gaara. The Kazekage took a step forward, then another, walking deeper into the piercing stare.

By the time he reached the other ninja, Naruto was looking down again, despondent. His eyes were lost, frozen over, unblinking.

Gaara placed his hand on Naruto’s shoulder, and looked into his eyes. He didn’t need to look too deeply to see mess of emotions just below the surface. He could feel it in the stiffness of his shoulder, he could sense it in the volatility of Naruto’s chakra. Gaara desperately wished there were some other way, that there was any other answer he could give to the ninja in front of him to soothe his heart.

“If you are prepared to bear the burden of being a Kage, then you must do what is truly right as Sasuke’s friend.”

Gaara didn’t know that moments earlier, Sai had explained to Naruto that Sakura had gone after Sasuke to kill him on her own. That she loved him, and because of that, she wouldn’t let him fall so far, become truly evil. That her feelings for him gave her the responsibility to preserve Sasuke as they way she had known him before. That she could not allow him to become a villain that hurt the world.

Gaara didn’t know that his own words would echo so closely to a line of reasoning that Naruto so thoroughly rejected.

Naruto’s eyes widened. He looked up at Gaara, just for a second, before looking back down and closing his eyes. His eyebrows twitched like he was flinching from pain. He took an audible breath and with his forearm, he knocked Gaara’s hand off his shoulder.

Gaara let his hand fall to his side, limp. He knew that Naruto was deeply disturbed by all of this, but that didn’t make his rejection hurt any less. He could assume that the confusion between duty to his village and duty to his friend was what made him lash out with anger, and he had seen this side of Naruto before. The memory was not comforting, but he was powerless as his mind wrenched him into the past.

~~~

With the communication devices that had been delivered to each village by the Konoha shinobi earlier in the year, information traveled faster than ever before. The day that Jiraiya, one of the three legendary sannin died, Gaara knew only hours after Tsunade herself had become aware.

He also knew he had to leave the Sand immediately. Jiraiya had been Naruto’s teacher, the one with whom he had traveled alone for nearly three years. The news of his death would be devastating, and Gaara had to make sure that Naruto would be okay.

The trip between Suna and Konoha usually took three days, going at top speed with minimal to no breaks. Gaara left the village only an hour after he received word, time which he mostly spent hastily relaying his spontaneous plans to Temari. He arrived in Konoha deep into the night of the second day, weak from skipping meals and rest that he had sacrificed to make it there sooner.

By the time he passed through the gate, he knew he was in no shape to face Konoha’s jinchuuriki. He would be no help if he passed out before he could even figure out where Naruto lived.

Gaara forced himself to stop and eat at the first food stand he saw that was still open at this hour. To his surprise, he was not the only customer. Even more of a surprise, he knew the other customer.

“Shikamaru,” he greeted the chuunin, his voice sounding morose even to his own ears.

Shikamaru had been picking at a bowl of udon that was mostly finished. He looked up when he heard his name, his expression morphing from one of intense concentration to shock.

“What...what the hell?” He shook his head, like he didn’t believe what he was seeing. When he was satisfied that he wasn’t hallucinating or dreaming, he continued on with his confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to see Naruto,” Gaara replied simply.

The confusion in Shikamaru’s face vanished, replaced by a grim understanding. He looked back down at his bowl of noodles, scowling, and sighed.

“So you know,” Gaara guessed.

“Just got briefed about it, actually,” Shikamaru admitted. He set down his chopsticks and folded his hands together, fiddling with his thumbs. “Already more work to do...”

“Does he know?”

Shikamaru slowly shifted his gaze from his cold meal to Gaara. His eyes were heavy with exhaustion and sadness. He gave Gaara a long look, undeterred as the moment stretched out in hollow silence between them. Finally, he dipped his head in the slightest of nods.

“He knows. I’ll take you to where he lives. As you might expect, he’s been taking it rough.”

They didn’t speak much after that. Shikamaru waited for Gaara to finish eating, and then the two ninja were off down the dark and deserted streets of Konoha.

The Sand Village was quite opposite from Konoha, in the fact that it often became more lively at night. Because of the extreme heat and sun, most people in Suna stayed indoors during the day and were accustomed to doing their errands after sunset. The stillness of Konoha illuminated by only moonlight was unsettling to Gaara.

Shikamaru led him to Naruto’s door. He gave him one last somber look, and then, to Gaara’s surprise, thanked him. Before Gaara could even process the words, Shikamaru had knocked on the door and disappeared. He was long gone before it opened.

It must have been two or three hours past midnight at this point, but when Naruto opened the door, it was obvious that he hadn’t been asleep. Stone-faced, he looked at Gaara like he was looking right through him. His eyes and cheeks were red. The shirt he was wearing was dotted with wet spots. His body swayed, drifting like a ghost, unsure of where to go or what to do now that he was dead.

“Naruto.” Gaara meant to say more, but his voice broke on the name.

Naruto’s eyes fixed to Gaara’s, some semblance of consciousness returning to him. His chakra flared out like a fire coming to life, hot and angry. Naruto drove the palms of his hands into Gaara’s shoulders, shoving him away.

Gaara took several stumbling steps back, caught off guard by Naruto’s unexpected aggression. He bent his knees and held out his arms to regain his balance. He didn’t move into a defensive or offensive position yet, just stayed still and waited to see what Naruto would do next.

With Gaara out of the door frame, Naruto furrowed his brow and squeezed his eyes shut. Tears spilled over, and he brought the heels of his hands to press against them, trying to hold them back. Without looking, he turned and went back into his apartment, not bothering to close the door or even say a single word to Gaara. Sticky gasps for air echoed in the room as he moved further back inside.

Gaara straightened, unsure of his next steps. The open door seemed more like a result of carelessness rather than an invitation in. He moved forward, hesitantly, to the threshold and peered into the apartment. Naruto sat alone at his kitchen table, which was cluttered with instant ramen containers, empty bags of chips, and an open milk carton. His face was fully in his hands now, his shoulders shaking as he openly sobbed.

Gaara stepped through the door, and waited. When Naruto didn’t immediately attack him, he closed it behind him and approached the table.

_Naruto_.

Gaara couldn’t think of anything else to say, and the name hadn’t gone over well the first time, so he decided to keep his mouth shut. Naruto ignored him as he drew closer. By the time he reached the edge of the table, he was still unsure of how to comfort his friend.

Instead, he decided to be generally helpful. He searched the room for a trash bin so he could begin to clear away the mess on the table. He found one, though it was overflowing, so he set about taking out the trash and replacing the bag inside. He then pulled the bin towards the table and began tossing stuff in. He even separated the recyclables and later found the bins for those as well.

With the table cleared off, he moved on to washing the dishes in the sink. Finishing that, he wiped down the counters and the stove. He picked up laundry off the floor, placing them in their proper hampers. He didn’t particularly enjoy cleaning, but he knew how to do it at least. He couldn’t make a mistake with the simple chores, not one that he didn’t know how to fix.

With consoling someone, Gaara didn’t have the first clue. All he knew was every time he checked back to see Naruto still sitting at the table, it hurt deep in his chest. He pictured his heart as an apple, and Naruto’s grief was the sharp knife slowly peeling its skin away. It was a slow agony, and it wasn’t lessened by any of the trivial tasks he busied himself with.

When the kitchen was tidied, Gaara went to enter Naruto’s bedroom to see what might need sorting out there. The instant his hand touched the doorknob was the first time he heard Naruto speak that night.

“How could she let that happen to him?”

The voice was eerily low.

Gaara pulled his hand away from the cool metal doorknob and turned to face Naruto. His face was no longer in his hands, but his eyes were fixed on the table, unmoving. His whole body was still. And he was so quiet. It wasn’t like him to keep his thoughts to himself, and it certainly wasn’t like him to be so unnaturally motionless. As he sat there, his body stiff and his eyes dead, he seemed so lifeless that Gaara wondered if the ninja in front of him wasn’t actually just a ghost.

“Why did everyone let this go on for so long?”

His voice rose in volume a little.

“Amegakure is between Konohagakure, Iwagakure, and Sunagakure, so why...why did this fall to _him_? Why was it _his_ responsibility?

“Amegakure wouldn’t have even become what it is now if it wasn’t for all the fighting between the Hidden Villages that went on for years. None of the Kage ever thought about those people, or stepped in to help them, or took in their refugees! Of course they had to build up their defenses and isolate themselves. And of _course_ , that would be the perfect cover for the Akatsuki.”

Naruto slammed his fist against the table, then stood up suddenly. The chair that he had been sitting on toppled backwards onto the floor. His chakra was still swarming inside him, writhing in a confused mass of frustration. He jerked away from the table and wiped his sleeve across his eyes. His face was wet and splotchy.

“Everyone just sat back and just let this happen! Just let him go alone.”

He stomped towards Gaara—or rather, his bedroom door, as he flung it open without so much as looking in Gaara’s direction. Gaara had assumed that Naruto was going to just keep ignoring his presence altogether, until he paused just as he passed through the doorway.

“Suna did _nothing_.”

Gaara felt his breath seize in his chest.

He knew Naruto was upset, he could feel it very plainly. He even knew _why_ Naruto was upset. But—

Was Naruto _blaming_ him?

The secrecy and militant nature of Amegakure had been established well before Gaara assumed the role of Kazekage and—

_He was speaking out of anger_. He didn’t mean the things he was saying, his head was so clouded with a mass of strong emotions all fighting each other. He was hurting on the inside, and the only way he knew to deal with it was to bring that hurt outside. To hurt others.

Gaara was no expert about emotions, but he did know what it was like to take all that anger and pain out on someone else. He understood where Naruto was coming from, though it didn’t take away the sting of his tone.

He followed Naruto inside the room. Somehow, it was even more of a disaster than the kitchen. More empty instant ramen cups and plastic bags. Balled up paper and used tissues. Various scrolls, unrolled and strewn haphazardly across the floor. Stacks of books here and there. A wilted plant looking generally miserable in the corner.

Besides all the trash, there wasn’t much in the room. A bed and two dressers, the second which also functioned as a nightstand judging by the alarm clock. Gaara wondered if maybe the abundance of garbage was just to fill the room so that it would feel less lonesome.

Naruto sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed at his temples like he had a headache. He was muttering to himself, and Gaara couldn’t make out all of the words.

“...why would he...alone? And...why...everyone leaves...”

Gaara turned his attention to the framed photograph on the dresser next to the alarm clock. It was a standard team photo, issued after formation. Their sensei, Hatake Kakashi, stood behind his three new charges with a chagrined expression on his face. Front and center was an ecstatic Haruno Sakura, who appeared to be the only one that wanted to be in the photo. Naruto was grimacing, his eyes locked on an equally as unhappy Uchiha Sasuke.

“He left me too.”

Gaara looked away from the picture to see Naruto staring at him. The aura about him had changed. The heat behind his words was still there, but now it was mixed with cold.

“ _Please don’t ever leave me again.”_

The memory snapped into place as Gaara set the frame back on the dresser, and then realization struck hard. Sasuke had left him, then Gaara had “left” him, and now even Jiraiya the Gallant. And it probably went even deeper than that, because Gaara was very familiar with the hole in his heart that was caused by the death of his mother. Naruto had never even gotten the chance to meet _either_ of his parents.

“Naruto...”

“He was my first kiss, you know? Not _you_.”

Had he really said that, or had Gaara imagined it? Gaara already knew that Naruto was pushing people away because he couldn’t deal with his overwhelming grief. But those words—true or not—cut too deep, and brought insecurity bubbling to the surface.

Gaara walked out of the room back into the kitchen. He stood by the table, contemplating whether to sit down or just leave. He’d caught the spark from Naruto’s chakra, and his skin was burning livid with embarrassment.

The last time he’d seen Naruto was during the same visit when they’d shared their first kiss. _Gaara’s_ first kiss. First, second, it shouldn’t matter. But the _way_ Naruto had said it, the way he’d _meant_ it to hurt, and the way it _had_ , clearly indicated that it mattered.

_So what was he saying? That it wasn’t special? That he didn’t care? That Gaara was here comforting him, but he’d rather it were that Uchiha bastard? That he only wanted to chase people who were gone from his life instead of the only one who’d come back?_

The words bounced around in Gaara’s head, and he was glad Shukaku wasn’t there to rile him any further. But even thinking of Shukaku brought on a stabbing sensation to his chest because the last time he’d fully lost control of the ichibi was during the chuunin exams when he’d faced Naruto.

Gaara leaned over the table, gripping his hands into fists and pressing them against the wooden surface. The pain in his chest twisted harshly until he couldn’t breathe. His uncle’s words rang in his ears.

“ _No one could ever love a monster like you.”_

A dark spot appeared on the table, and Gaara realized he was crying. He had to leave _now_.

He spun around towards the direction of the door, though his vision was failing him at this point. Blindly, he walked towards the door, hastening his step when he heard Naruto call out for him.

“Gaara?”

His voice was softer now. Sad, sorry. _Concerned_.

It was too late for all of that. Gaara _needed_ to be alone.

“Gaara, wait—”

Gaara got to the door and pried it open gingerly. He stepped outside without looking back. Naruto’s footsteps were still coming closer, and he knew if he didn’t say anything that Naruto would follow him.

“Gaara!”

“Don’t,” Gaara breathed. He halted himself where he stood and gathered all of his focus into making his voice sound firm, the same tone he used to address the public of Suna as Kazekage. “Don’t follow me.”

He heard Naruto stop dead in his tracks.

He half heard an apology as he leapt away, back into the deserted moonlit streets of Konoha.

~

It wasn’t like he could just leave the village. His body was exhausted from the trip, and it would probably look suspicious for the Kazekage to just drop in the Leaf Village, unannounced, and then leave after only a few hours.

There were plenty of forested areas in Konoha, especially near the Academy and its surrounding training grounds. Gaara hid himself among the branches and tried to guess if his thoughts would stop cycling before the sun came up.

Already there was a chill in the air. Unlike Suna, however, this chill was accompanied by moisture. Dew cling to each blade of grass, every leaf, and all of the sinewy boughs of the trees. It was unavoidable, and Gaara had to resign himself to settling in for the night in the cold and the damp. He’d left his own village so quickly that he hadn’t brought a lot of the essentials that would have made camping in the woods more comfortable.

The cool wetness of the atmosphere wasn’t much more than a minor nuisance, considering everything rolling around in his head. He leaned back against the trunk of the tree and looked up into the canvas of leaves blocking the sky. Hardly any light filtered though, and Gaara was disappointed that he couldn’t look up at the stars and count the familiar constellations that usually kept him company when his insomnia was really bad.

_Uchiha Sasuke._

Of course it would be him. Gaara had seen the look in his eyes the first time they had met. He had eyes that took what they wanted at any cost. He was handsome and highly skilled for a genin—one of the most skilled at the chuunin exams that year. Several of the other participants had openly ogled him between matches. It was only logical that Naruto too…

When Sasuke left the village on his own accord, Naruto had followed him until he couldn’t. His sensei had to carry him back to the village, he was completely unconscious and severely injured. Before, Gaara had thought that this was just an act of true friendship. He longed for the day that someone would need him that much. Now he questioned if he had understood it right.

Had something else gone on between Naruto and Sasuke? Did Gaara really find the bonds between people to be that compelling, or had he always been pining for Naruto’s attention? When Naruto had left for those two and a half years to train, there hadn’t been a day that went by that Gaara didn’t think of him with admiration and respect and _hope_ that one day he could become a Kazekage that would make Naruto proud.

Sitting here, in the dark icy shadows of the trees, he felt dumb. He felt like he’d tried to insert himself into someone else’s story where he didn’t belong. Naruto had spent those years training because of _Sasuke_ , because he wanted to bring _Sasuke_ back. Gaara wasn’t part of that.

“ _Please don’t ever leave me again.”_

He remembered Naruto’s words from that day, clear in his head, like he was just hearing them for the first time. It was easy to forget just how much Naruto had shown, with both his words and actions, how much he valued Gaara. It was easy to fall back into the familiar pit of self-pity, ruminate on the flaws he saw in himself every day, and assume that Naruto would be just as critical. It was effortless to make assumptions based on worst case scenarios, to the point where it was annoying—almost painful to try and think more rationally.

Naruto wasn’t like that. He didn’t play with others’ feelings. Naruto truly did care deeply for everyone, and it was that deep connection he had with others that caused him to experience loss so catastrophically.

Gaara sighed, exhaling the last bit of heat from his body. The chatter in his head was diminishing to a dull murmuring. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, he had trouble even under the best circumstances, but at least he could rest. The muscles in his limbs were sore and worn to the point where even shivering was too great a task. Instead, he closed his eyes and imagined that he was walking down the streets of Suna, counting every fork in the road, surveying any repairs that needed to be made and reviewing which permits went with which construction projects. Boring, but calming.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he was pulled out of his trance by the sound of his name.

He opened his eyes to see Naruto, who was standing on a nearby branch, giving him a wide berth to let him know that he wasn’t going to trap him.

Gaara nearly closed his eyes again. He wondered what would happen. Would Naruto come and join him, or would he just leave? Would he wait there, standing like that, staring at him? And for how long?

But Gaara felt more centered than before, and he wanted to resolve what had happened between them. As always, they didn’t have much time together. They would have to work together to make the best of what they did have.

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said, and then he was bowing very deeply and formally, the way that children in the academy did when they were being chastised by their teacher. “There’s no excuse for what I said.”

It was still so dark out. Naruto’s features were fuzzy, Gaara couldn’t make out any fine details. Maybe that forced him to be a better listener.

“It wasn’t your fault, or Suna’s, or Konoha’s, or Granny Tsunade’s. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” His voice was raw enough to be earsplitting. “It wasn’t my fault either...I know, I know...It just doesn’t make any sense, and I...I...”

He sniffed wetly, crying again. He took a step forward then paused to wipe at his face. “I’m just...fucking everything up...”

Gaara hauled himself up, fighting against the tightness in every part of his body. He jumped and landed lightly on the same tree branch as Naruto, whose hitai-ate glinted from what Gaara realized was the light of the rising sun.

“...s-sorry...”

Gaara drew closer, cautiously reaching for Naruto’s hand. When he had it firm within his own, he felt something in his chest unwind.

“Let’s go home.”

The sun had fully risen by the time they got back, but Gaara drew the curtains and put Naruto to bed. The Konoha ninja made no protest and was asleep within minutes.

Gaara busied himself by cleaning up the bedroom, then the bathroom. He cleaned the entire apartment, and when he was done even his bones were cursing him to get some sleep. Other than the chairs in the kitchen, there was the option of the hardwood floor or the option of joining Naruto in his bed.

The blankets were soft and warm, but not nearly as much as Naruto.

~

A few hours later, Gaara went out to buy a few things to make a late breakfast. Naruto had still been asleep when he’d left, but Gaara had a feeling he would return before Naruto woke. He’d opened the blinds before he’d left, for the sunlight to keep Naruto warm in his place. His sleeping face held no trace of the anguish or sadness from last night, and Gaara hoped it could stay like that.

He was picking through daikon when he heard Shikamaru’s voice.

“I’m starting to wonder if this is coincidence or a sign of bad luck.”

Gaara selected a daikon, looked up, and without missing a beat, replied, “Probably bad luck.”

Shikamaru gave short laugh, one side of his mouth curling up in a lazy smile. “How’s Naruto?”

Gaara reviewed his possible responses.

“That good, huh?” Shikamaru concluded before Gaara could choose any of them.

“They were close,” Gaara said finally, though he suspected that this wasn’t news to anyone.

“When my sensei—” Shikamaru began, before cutting himself off, “Anyway, I know the feeling, I guess.”

Gaara said nothing. He scanned the rows of produce before them with a neutral expression, giving Shikamaru the opportunity to change the subject if he wanted to.

“Actually, that kind of gives me an idea of something that might cheer him up...I’ll just need to ask Kurenai-sensei, but...Well, I’ll be by his apartment sometime later in the afternoon, okay?”

~

When Gaara got back to Naruto’s apartment, he didn’t expect Naruto to rush up to him and wrap him up in a hug.

“Shit, I thought I was dreaming! But then my apartment was clean, and I knew _I_ didn’t do that.”

Slightly flustered, Gaara managed to explain that he’d gone out to buy ingredients for breakfast.

Naruto insisted that he should be the one to cook, since Gaara was technically his guest. He ended up letting Gaara help, which was probably in both of their best interests. Gaara was amazed that Naruto somehow avoided cutting or burning himself on accident, despite it being fairly obvious that his culinary skills were limited to just adding hot water.

While they prepared the food, Gaara noticed that Naruto seemed more animated and slightly less detached from the world than last night. He still spaced out a few times, but it was nothing like before.

“What are you doing in Konoha anyway? I don’t wanna get you in trouble with Tsunade-baachan if you’re here for some important Kage thing.”

Gaara felt a little self-conscious answering. He leaned over the pan he was holding and stared intently at the salmon he was frying. The heat from the stove flooded over his face as he tried to seem very focused on cooking.

“When I heard the news, I...I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know he was important to you.”

Naruto was staring at him, but Gaara couldn’t meet his eyes. He was afraid that bringing up Naruto’s fallen sensei would put that vacant expression back on his face, and he didn’t want to see it again.

He was surprised when Naruto’s arms were around him again. Feeling stiff and unsure of what to do, he stayed still until Naruto let go. By the time Gaara worked up the nerve to look in the other shinobi’s direction, he was busy scooping the contents of the rice cooker into two bowls.

They finished making breakfast in a soft silence, which was finally interrupted just as they were both ready to begin eating.

“Thanks for breakfast, Gaara. Itadakimasu!”

“Itadakimasu,” Gaara repeated, before plucking at the dish of steamed vegetables with his chopsticks.

Gaara hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he started eating, and when he did he instantly remembered that he had eaten hardly anything in the past two days. The breakfast they had prepared together was simple; salmon, steamed vegetables, pickled plums, and rice, but to Gaara’s starved stomach, it was like eating relief.

The lack of conversation was comfortable for Gaara, in fact, he didn’t even notice it. He was used to eating breakfast alone, so the quiet was nothing out of the ordinary. Every now and then he would glance and Naruto, and without fail Naruto seemed to catch him every time. This made it very difficult to use the silence to review his thoughts about what had occurred last night.

Maybe Naruto picked up on this, or maybe he would have brought it up anyway.

“So...about yesterday...” Naruto began.

Gaara slowed his chewing so that he could listen better.

“I’m really sorry for all the trouble I caused you. You had to come all the way here, and then I was awful to you. You were just trying to help, you even cleaned up all the shit I had everywhere, and I...I acted like a bastard.

“I shouldn’t have shoved you, and I shouldn’t have said all those things. I didn’t mean them. I just...Do you ever feel so bad that the only thing that makes sense is to make yourself feel worse?”

Gaara set down his chopsticks on the table. “Yes.”

Naruto looked at him, searching his face. Gaara could feel his gaze stop on the kanji for ‘Love.’ His eyes seemed to droop a little.

“I guess I never really experienced losing someone so close to me...When the Third Hokage died...I mean I was sad, but so was the whole village. We all understood what had happened. We were there too. Konoha was under attack, and he was defending us, and it’s always a possibility...”

Naruto rubbed at his eyes.

“I didn’t even know Ero-sennin was gone, and Granny Tsunade did, and I think that’s why I got so mad at her. Because she had the chance to worry about him, and I didn’t. I had no idea. It was so unfair. When she told me, I couldn’t even understand. It’s like she was speaking another language.”

Naruto set down his empty rice bowl. His chopsticks clattered to the table soon after. He wasn’t crying, but he had his hands on either side of his head, like he was trying to force himself to see straight. The faraway look in his eyes suggested that maybe he was trying to see at all.

“When Sasuke left, it wasn’t like he died. I made a promise to Sakura-chan that I’d get him back, and we all went after him. Even after we failed, he wasn’t _gone_ , gone. I just...”

Gaara felt his chest seize at the mention of Naruto’s former teammate. He couldn’t help but remember what Naruto had said last night and feel the pangs of jealousy and inadequacy. At the same time, he felt guilty for his insecurities. Naruto was clearly in distress when he’d said those things, and he’d already apologized. Shouldn’t that be enough?

Whether it should or it shouldn’t, it wasn’t. The shocking admission had seemed to cheapen every intimate interaction between him and Naruto. He had never experienced envy to a meaningful extent before, and already he hated the way that the slimy feeling seemed to pick apart his memories, subduing any progress or accomplishment and amplifying every weakness and relapse.

Realistically he wanted to talk about it more, but he had no idea how to bring that subject up, and now seemed like a perfectly incorrect time. So he shoved that thought into a crack in his heart and pretended not to notice the uncomfortable pressure in his chest every time he took a breath.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I yelled at Tsunade-baachan, I blew off Iruka-sensei for dinner...then later I was sitting on a bench, and he came and talked to me, and I felt a little better. But then I went home and by the time I got back, I was so mad at myself. Like I shouldn’t feel okay about anything. Not even a little.

“And then you got here a little after that, and I...”

He fastened his stare to Gaara’s.

“I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t even know what I was thinking. I mean, I didn’t even realize that it didn’t make sense for you to be here, in Konoha, let alone at my door. It was almost like I imagined you being here, just to torture myself. Like, here’s something that would make me happy, but I have to reject it.”

Naruto stood suddenly, and gathered up the empty bowls and dishes and ferried them to the sink. He returned to the table to clear the rest of the things away, then he stared at the sink in silence for a long time. It didn’t appear that he was going to do the dishes any time soon.

“I’m not making any sense, I know,” he muttered, turning away and shuffling into his bedroom.

Gaara took one last look at the sink. He felt obligated to clean the dishes. Instead, he followed Naruto to his room and sat next to where Naruto had balled himself up on his bed.

Naruto curled closer to him. Gaara let his hand slip into Naruto’s hair and brush against his scalp.

“You’re punishing yourself,” Gaara deduced.

Naruto didn’t reply. He reached up to where Gaara’s fingers were stroking through his hair and caught them with his own, stitching them together.

Gaara leaned back and looked around the room. Now that it was clean, it did seem much emptier, and to an extent, lonelier. There wasn’t much to draw Gaara’s attention away from the team photo on Naruto’s dresser.

_Uchiha Sasuke_.

It was as if Naruto heard his sharp thoughts, or maybe he just caught him staring at the picture.

“What I said yesterday about Sasuke...wasn’t exactly true. I mean, there was one time at the academy where I was crouching on his desk, I think we were arguing about something—maybe Sakura-chan—but anyway, someone pushed me, and I kind of fell on him, and everyone saw it, and yeah I guess our lips technically touched…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Gaara said weakly.

Naruto gripped his hand tighter. “Yeah I do. I brought it up when I was being a dick, and I don’t want you having the wrong idea about it. I never wanted it to happen, and after it did I really wished it hadn’t happened. We got teased about it for weeks! It was embarrassing.”

Gaara wanted to believe Naruto, but his own insecurities and negative thoughts were persuasive. He let his mind hang out in the space somewhere in between, where he was free to listen to Naruto’s side of the story without making any judgments one way or the other.

“I never felt that way about Sasuke. Uh, I did kind of have a crush on Sakura-chan for a little bit, if I’m being honest, but that was a long time ago,” Naruto laughed a little, nervously, “It just kind of went away on its own. I was twelve...”

Though it wasn’t very logical, Gaara felt a little better hearing Naruto admit his crush on Sakura. It added to his credibility, like if he was going to be truthful about that, he had no reason to lie about his feelings for Sasuke. Additionally, Haruno Sakura was so different from Gaara that he couldn’t feel threatened by her. With Sasuke, there were qualities that they shared where Gaara felt like he might not measure up. With Sakura, there was nothing to compare between them—nothing of that nature, anyway.

“Now they’re just kind of like my brother and sister,” Naruto continued, “I mean, not that I really know what that’s like since technically I’m an only child. But, I kind of decided that it didn’t matter. So, yeah, they are family to me.”

Finally, Gaara was able to tear his eyes away from the photo. He drew his sight down to where Naruto was tucked up against him, and a feeling of ease washed over him.

Naruto didn’t look sad. His expression was serious, like he was using a lot of effort to think about something. His flow of chakra seemed neutral.

“I only said that to hurt you, and I thought...If our kiss meant as much to you as it did to me, then I knew it would.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”

Gaara drew his legs up onto the bed and pulled Naruto into his lap. “I know.”

Naruto looked up at him. There seemed to be a question behind his eyes.

“You’ve punished yourself enough already. I forgive you,” Gaara stated, “You can make it up to me by telling me a story from your two-year training with Jiraiya-sensei.”

Naruto had many, many stories to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention at the end of last chapter, but I love how the technology in the Naruto series as a whole kind of makes no sense. And in researching that a little more, I found out that it can be categorized under a trope called "schizo tech" which just sounds really funny to me. But yeah. It's one of those things that you don't want to analyze too deeply.
> 
> In case you had any curiosity about where the title of this fic came from, it actually came from the title of a hymn lol. I went to church with my mom on Christmas (which was around the time that I was writing this--and struggling to think of a title) and I was flipping through the hymn book (which is pretty cool because it has hymns in all kinds of languages, tbh I don't even think all of them are hymns or even religious or spiritual) and anyway, this one called Faith Begins By Letting Go caught my eye.
> 
> If you look at the lyrics (and take out the religious aspect), it really was in line with what I was trying to portray with the theme of this fic. Below are the excerpts that I'm referring to:  
> //  
> Faith begins by letting go,  
> giving up what had seemed sure,  
> taking risks and pressing on,  
> though the way feels less secure  
> ...  
> Faith endures by holding on,  
> keeping mem’ry’s roots alive  
> so that hope may bear its fruit;  
> promise-fed, our souls will thrive  
> ...  
> Faith matures by reaching out,  
> stretching minds, enlarging hearts,  
> sharing struggles, living prayer,  
> binding up the broken parts;  
> till we find the commonplace  
> //
> 
> I mean it was that or Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust (just kidding, that was never an option).


	4. Chapter 4

For a long moment, there was silence.

The snow was coming down heavier now, in thick soft clumps like the clouds were shedding feathers. Fluffy flakes tumbled through the breeze, lingering between the Sand and Leaf shinobi. The stillness and uneasy quiet of the moment indicated that there was something other than precipitation that was coming between them.

Gaara stared at Naruto, whose eyes had returned to the ground. His arm was still raised.

“We’ve said everything we needed to say,” Temari stated, “Let’s go, Gaara.”

Her voice shook Gaara free from the last wisps of his memories. In front of him, he heard the almost imperceptible swish of fabric as Naruto finally brought his arm down to his side. Without even looking, Gaara knew that the blank stare that he had learned to dislike so much had resurfaced on Naruto’s face.

_He blamed himself_. This was what he always did. When other people’s burdens became too much for them to handle, Naruto picked up the slack. He saddled himself with the things they couldn’t bear to carry any longer, and he suffered for it. He would always lead the way, even if he was the most bogged down, even as doubt and fear nipped at his heels, even as he drowned from his own human limitations. He would never let anyone see the toll it took, as long as he could help them.

And there wasn’t anything Gaara could do about that. They weren’t alone together in Naruto’s room, where the Leaf ninja could unwind in Gaara’s arms. They were surrounded by members of each of their respective villages—villages to which they both had pledged their duty. Just as Gaara wasn’t to let personal feelings interfere with his actions as Kazekage, Naruto would never let his weaknesses get in the way of his support to others.

And now that two of the forces he supported with his whole heart were at odds, he didn’t know what to do.

In some way, Gaara was glad that Naruto hadn’t been at the Five Kage Summit and seen the cold look in Uchiha Sasuke’s eyes. How much would it have hurt Naruto to see what Sasuke had become?

“We will return to our village now,” Temari continued, apparently the only person willing to get the situation back on track. She sent a pointed look towards Kakashi. “Hatake Kakashi, with the understanding that you will become Hokage, the Sand will take action. As allied nations, I hope there will be no conflicting information between us.”

Kakashi dipped his head respectfully. “Understood.”

The conversation between the Leaf and the Sand had effectively come to an end. Gaara stole one last look at Naruto. His expression wasn’t just blank. Sadness had permeated his features, probably against his knowledge and definitely against his will. He seemed unsteady on his feet, like the next ice crystal to land on him might bring him to the ground, like he might blow away with the next breeze.

Gaara had to try one last time to say something that would encourage him.

“I think of you as my friend. In the past, ‘friend’ was just a word to me, nothing more, nothing less. But you made me realize it’s the meaning of the word that is important. What is the meaning of that word?”

No one who had witnessed Sasuke at the Five Kage Summit would believe that he could ever become anything but evil. It wasn’t just that Konoha was against him at this point—it was the entire shinobi world. The same world that had just received a declaration of war from Madara Uchiha. The Five Nations would not want the distraction of one rogue radical ninja when there were far greater things at stake. Even if Sasuke somehow _did_ miraculously come to his senses, it would be much easier to cut him out of the picture entirely and minimize all the risks associated with him. How these two forces could ever be part of the same team again, Gaara had no idea.

But, he had to give credit where credit was due. Naruto was capable of miracles, and he knew that better than anyone. If anybody could make this work, it would be him. Even if he didn’t have a plan, as long as he was willing to try, then Gaara would let him have that chance.

His heart was sore, and his hands ached to reach out and soothe the blonde, but he knew he couldn’t. He stood still and ignored his body’s instinct to gravitate towards his lover. He would give the advice that no one else would consider.

“What can you do for Sasuke? Think hard about it.”

As Gaara finished speaking, he noticed that Naruto’s eyes had widened. Whether or not Naruto had understood his point, Gaara didn’t know. He took a deep breath, then turned to face his siblings. With all of those words out in the open, he felt empty, and the cold winter air was eager to rush in.

“Let’s go,” he confirmed.

Temari and Kankuro nodded and followed his lead as they began to trudge through the snow. Even in the short amount of time they had been standing there, it had accumulated quite a lot. With each step, Gaara sunk to his ankles in powder. It would be slow going if the conditions kept up like this.

Behind them, Gaara heard the Leaf ninja regroup and talk among themselves. He wasn’t trying to listen, but he couldn’t help but notice that he heard every voice except Naruto’s. His heart felt cold in his chest. He had wanted to communicate to Naruto that he believed in him, but already he was picking apart what he’d said, finding flaw after flaw. Gaara felt ashamed that he couldn’t better support the person who had literally brought him back from death.

He heard the sound of weight collapsing into the snow.

He heard Kakashi shouting, “Naruto? What’s wrong? Calm down!”

And Yamato, “He’s hyperventilating!”

Instantly he whipped around and charged back to where he’d been standing earlier, his footprints still marking the spot.

Naruto was on the ground, wall-eyed, clutching at his chest and gasping.

Heart seizing, Gaara knelt down beside Kakashi and Yamato. Each sensei was advising Naruto to take deep breaths and try to relax. Gaara found himself unconsciously following their instructions.

Naruto didn’t seem to notice any of them. His chakra was a tangle that hurt to even try to make sense of. His chest heaved, but it didn’t seem like any of the air made it to his lungs. It wasn’t long before he lost consciousness.

“Where is Haruno?” Gaara demanded.

The three Leaf ninja shared a look, which gave Gaara all of the information he needed. He turned his attention back to Naruto as one of them explained that she wasn’t with him.

Gaara’s siblings approached him from either side.

“What’s going on?” Temari asked, her tone piercing.

“Let’s just get him inside,” Yamato suggested.

Following Yamato’s direction, Gaara helped Naruto’s other teammate, Sai, carry the unconscious shinobi. His body was pure dead weight, and Gaara felt sick to his stomach as he thought of how Naruto must have felt when he’d carried Gaara after Shukaku had been extracted by the Akatsuki. Naruto was only passed out, and Gaara could hardly stand it.

They brought him to a small room in the inn, placing him on the futon and covering him with a heavy blanket. Kakashi, Kankuro, Temari, and Sai were the first to leave the room, leaving only Gaara and Yamato.

Gaara did not know the man very well, but it was obvious that he was also deeply concerned about Naruto. He didn’t try to force a conversation, and Gaara appreciated it. They both seemed to be holding their breaths, waiting to make sure that Naruto would be okay.

Gaara set his gourd down and sat next to it. He counted each rise of Naruto’s chest, taking comfort in the action that confirmed Naruto was alive. He’d meant what he said earlier, that he would protect Naruto with his life. The thought of Madara taking Kyuubi from Naruto and leaving him for dead filled Gaara with a soul-gripping terror. He couldn’t let himself think about it too long, not even conceptually, because his vision would white out and his body would start to feel like he was losing control—like Shukaku was taking over. Even before Shukaku had been removed, he hadn’t felt that way in a _long_ time, and that scared him too.

He gripped his hands into fists against his thighs and tried not to dwell on it. Ignoring the thoughts did not ease the tightness in his chest or the churning in his stomach, but it was the best he could manage for now. He longed to see Naruto open his eyes and sit up, fully alert again. He’d wait as long as that took.

When some time had passed, Yamato moved. Gaara let his eyes leave Naruto to watch as the older shinobi turned towards the door.

“I should go find him something to eat for when he wakes up,” Yamato said, “I’ll leave him with you, if that’s okay.”

Gaara nodded in affirmation, and then he was alone with Naruto.

The window on the far side of the room shuddered as the wind beat more snow against it. Gaara inspected the scene outside and considered that he and his siblings would have been caught in this storm had it not been for Naruto.

He let his eyes fall from the window to Naruto’s face. His heart emitted a soft shock when he noticed that Naruto was staring at him.

“You stayed,” Naruto marveled.

Gaara, suddenly feeling tired, unclenched his fists and brought his hands to rest on the tatami floor.

“Of course,” he confirmed.

Naruto shifted and began to get up, and Gaara held out his hand in a signal to stop. “Naruto, wait. You should rest. You fainted...”

Naruto cocked his head to the side, closed his eyes, and smiled. Something about it seemed off—and when Naruto opened his eyes again, Gaara could see the wistfulness behind them. He could guess at what it meant.

“So you’ve decided,” he sighed, his voice heavy.

Gaara knew that when Naruto made up his mind about something, there was nothing that could persuade him otherwise.

“I have to,” Naruto explained, his voice quiet. There was a kindness in his tone, almost. Like he were gently breaking the news to Gaara. “I think you’re the only person who will understand.”

Gaara waited, glued to his seat. He had already told himself that he would give Naruto this chance, no matter how impossible it seemed. Now he had to follow through on his unspoken promise.

But he hated the situation so much. It felt so wrong to let him do this when Gaara wanted nothing more than to cradle him in his arms until everything somehow impossibly became better.

“You’re going after Sasuke,” Gaara surmised.

“Sasuke once told me I didn’t understand what it was like to lose someone close to me. When Ero-sennin died...that was it. There was no bringing him back. And that’s when I realized what it must have been like for him,” Naruto elaborated. “Pain told me I didn’t understand what Sasuke’s feelings were. That I couldn’t save him unless I fully understood the extent of his pain. Well, I think I get it now.”

Naruto sat up and pushed the blankets off to the side. He turned his body so that he was facing Gaara.

“A long time ago, I met someone named Haku, who told me that protecting something you love makes you the strongest you can be. Fighting on your own doesn’t do that. At the same time, Haku attacked me. Sasuke was there, and he saved my life. It was the first time he awakened his Sharingan.”

Naruto’s gaze didn’t leave Gaara’s. His eyes were hard with determination, icy blue and chilling. He spoke with such conviction that Gaara could feel his pulse quickening.

“It was one of our first missions together, and I couldn’t believe how strong he was, fighting for me,” Naruto paused to take a breath. “Now that you’ve told me he’s fighting on his own, only for himself, I know I can’t fail against him. And this time, it’s my turn to be strong. To do what I can for Sasuke, as his friend.”

“Because you love him.” The words sliced past his lips like razors. Their echo clattered against the floor, unbalancing the moment between them.

Gaara felt his awareness recede to only himself and the sand in his gourd. The rest of the room might as well have been blurred by teary eyes. To draw into himself so much put him into a vulnerable state, but he couldn’t change what he felt. Thin cords of jealously wrapped around his throat, choking him. He was ashamed at how much this affected him.

“Yes,” Naruto didn’t bother to hide it, “But alsoSakura-chan, who is seeking him out right now too. And Kakashi-sensei and Sai, who are going to try and stop her.”

Naruto pushed himself onto his feet and stood. His footsteps were confident as he came towards Gaara.

“And Tsunade-baachan, and Ero-sennin, and the Third, and Iruka-sensei...”

He stopped in front of where Gaara was and knelt down.

“And you.”

Naruto held out his hand. Gaara hesitated.

“With all of these bonds to support me, I can’t lose.”

Tentatively, Gaara placed his hand in Naruto’s. His grip was firm and warm, Gaara knew his was cold and weak.

“I can’t say I know now exactly what I’ll do when I see him, but I think...once I see him, I’ll know.”

Confused and feeling sensitive, Gaara tried to think of more immediate practical matters. Yamato would probably be coming back any minute now, and he had been ordered by Kakashi to take Naruto back to the village. If Naruto wanted to leave, now would be the best opportunity to do it.

“Do what you think is right,” Gaara whispered, the volume of his voice lowered by the sting in his throat. “I believe in you, Naruto.”

Naruto’s face split into a wide grin. He tugged Gaara close and embraced him. Maybe it was his heat, or the harmony of his swirling chakra, or the force with which he squeezed, but Gaara found himself melting into a sense of relief in Naruto’s arms.

If he truly believed in Naruto as much as he said, then he would have to trust him to do this. Naruto was right when he said that he had the support of so many others, and that their support would propel him to succeed.

“Anyway, I promised you that I would come back to you,” Naruto murmured, close to Gaara’s ear, “I never go back on my promises, y’know?”

This was the man he had sworn to protect with his life, and now he was about to let him go face someone that wanted him and his entire village to be wiped from the face of the earth. Even in the best case scenario, the risk for Naruto was undeniable.

Gaara seized the back of Naruto’s jacket and pulled him in closer. He tightened his arms around the other shinobi until they both couldn’t breathe and Gaara was light-headed. With one last deep inhale by Naruto’s neck, Gaara wrenched himself away just enough so that he could come back in and plant a kiss on Naruto’s lips.

_Take my love and go_ , Gaara pressed the words hard into Naruto’s mouth, _take my love and be safe._

Naruto began to react to the kiss, sliding his hands up Gaara’s back and leaning in closer. Parting his lips.

But Gaara knew there wasn’t time. Reluctantly, he pushed Naruto away, breaking their contact.

“You have to go now,” Gaara said hurriedly. Despite the rush, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at Naruto’s lips. He could feel Naruto’s warm breath on his face. His skin was tingling. “Yamato said he was going to bring you some food. He’ll be here any second.”

Naruto nodded in understanding. Still, there was a new fire behind his eyes that Gaara hadn’t noticed before. With a skip in his heartbeat, he wondered if his kiss had been the spark to light that flame.

With the same reluctance, Naruto backed away, each of them sliding out of the other’s grasp. He created a shadow clone to take his place under the blanket on the futon where he’d been sleeping. Then, he approached the window and opened it.

An icy blast tumbled inside, tracking flakes of snow along with it. Gaara felt like the chill had wrapped around him like a cloak. He shivered as he watched Naruto prepare to leave.

“Thank you,” Naruto said as he stood with two hands on the window, poised to pull himself out.

After he had gone, Gaara used his sand to shut the window behind him. When Yamato returned, Gaara quickly rose and picked up his gourd, ready to leave.

“He’s still out, huh?” Yamato asked lightly.

Gaara said nothing as he exited the room.

~~

“Naruto!”

The Leaf shinobi was hurled backwards, out of the flaming orange chakra that formed Kurama’s body. From Gaara’ position on the ground, he could barely see, but he felt the exact moment when the Nine-Tails was pulled from the jinchuuriki’s body. He could nearly hear the beat of Naruto’s heart, loudly calling to the tailed-beast that it had grown so accustomed to sustaining.

Gaara thrust out his hand, forcing sand to catch Naruto as he fell through the air. There was barely any time to think as he heard a cry from Shukaku. He turned to see the one-tailed beast being devoured by the Gedo statue. Then the two-tails, then…

“Hey, Kazekage-brat...”

When all nine of the tailed beasts had been pulled inside, the Gedo statue’s eyes sprang open. Gaara’s blood ran cold. He drew the pile of sand holding Naruto’s body closer to himself, careful not to make any sudden movements that would draw attention. Madara seemed to be talking to himself and one of the white Zetsu, but even so, Gaara knew he could not flee without the Uchiha’s attention being fully absorbed elsewhere.

His chance came when Tobirama materialized next to Madara. The two began to exchange blows, and Gaara seized his opportunity to escape. He maneuvered himself into the cradle of sand and pulled Naruto’s unconscious body towards him.

As the sand sped away from Madara, Gaara did a quick check of Naruto’s vitals. His breathing was weak, and so was his pulse. It was to be expected of a jinchuuriki who just had their tailed-beast extracted, but Gaara couldn’t really comprehend the entirety of the situation. He knew that Naruto needed serious help if he was going to survive, and he let that guide him.

He pulled Naruto over his shoulder, ready to jump off the sand vehicle at any point if required. The ninja’s weight against his back was heavier than it should have been.

Dead weight.

_How many times would Gaara have to pay for making Naruto carry his corpse to Granny Chiyo? This is exactly why he’d argued with Tsunade that Naruto shouldn’t be let on the battlefield!_

As the wind whipped past them, Gaara swore to himself that he absolutely would not let Naruto die.

The moon was full and red and menacing above them. Its eerie glow cast everything in blood-stained shadows. All around, the fighting had not stopped. Obito’s wood-style thousand armed statue continued its barrage against the Allied Shinobi Forces.

Though it only took mere seconds, Gaara felt like he had been drowning in quicksand for hours when he finally spotted Tsunade. The others around her were still cloaked in the Nine-Tails’ chakra, which provided Gaara with enough evidence that Naruto was still alive, and he brought down the mass of sand in front of the Hokage in a calm and controlled manner.

Haruno Sakura rushed to Naruto’s side.

“There’s no time to explain. Hokage, come with me and heal Naruto as much as you can.”

As he spoke to her, he noticed that she was in bad shape. This didn’t stop him from reaching out to her with hope and urgency. This was a war with Uchiha Madara, and no one was in good shape right now.

“I’ve used up my chakra. I can’t use medical ninjutsu anymore,” Tsunade explained, her voice labored. “Take Sakura. If anyone can help, it’s Sakura.”

Beside him, Gaara heard Sakura cry out. “How did this happen to him?”

“It doesn’t matter, just come,” Gaara commanded, turning his attention to young kunoichi, “I’ll explain on the later.”

Already he had his sand curling around her feet, propping her up next to Naruto. If he was going to pull off what Kurama had asked of him, they had no time to waste. He didn’t care who it was, as long as someone could sustain Naruto’s life force for the time being.

To her credit, she immediately began pulsing her healing chakra into Naruto’s chest. Without exchanging any more words, Gaara lifted his sand from the ground and took off, searching for his next target. If they could make it in time, then Naruto would be okay.

_He_ had _to be okay._

“Get a hold of yourself! Don’t give up!” Sakura shouted, her voice raw with agony. It sounded more like she was the one who had been fatally wounded. “You are strong! You will definitely pull through!”

If her words were supposed to be reassuring to Naruto—assuming that he could hear her—Gaara didn’t know. Hearing them only made Gaara feel more anxious.

Cold acid crawled up from his stomach into his throat as he saw that Sakura’s blue healing chakra began to fade. She pressed her hands harder into Naruto’s chest, like she could pin down the last scraps of the chakra. Even with her strength, she couldn’t stop the soft glow from slipping away.

“At this rate,” she shuddered, “At this rate, Naruto will die!”

Gaara simultaneously cursed and asked favors from every god he could name. He forced energy through his chakra channels until he tasted blood. His sand was going as fast as he could carry it, but he knew he had to overcome that limit. Hadn’t he said that he would protect Naruto with his life? If he could still feel the burn of his chakra as he infused it into the sand, he knew there was still room to push himself farther.

And then, the Nine-Tails’ chakra cloak surrounding Sakura vanished. She took Naruto’s pulse, and finding unsatisfactory results, she leaned her head against his chest.

“No way,” she gasped.

“Hang on, Naruto!” Gaara yelled, tearing his eyes from navigating so he could stare at the shinobi’s lifeless body. Gaara had no training in medical ninjutsu, but he’d seen the way that his eyes could awaken something in Naruto. It was a foolish hope, but considering the nonsensical situation they were in, he found no fault in trying.

“What’s happening? My medical ninjutsu isn’t working?” Sakura questioned, looking at her hands as if they had become sentient and turned traitor against her wishes.

Gaara couldn’t tell whether or not she realized that Kyuubi’s cloak around her had gone.

“It’s probably because the Nine-Tails has been extracted from him,” Gaara explained.

He was glad that she was thinking out loud. If there was any information that she needed that he could give to her—anything at all that would help Naruto, Gaara would be all too glad to tell her. Now that she saw her extra chakra source was gone, he prayed that she knew some other method to sustain Naruto’s life.

“That can’t be!” Sakura exlaimed.

“Madara got him,” Gaara relayed, “But there’s a way to save him. That’s why we’re hurrying.”

“To where?” Sakura asked, her voice high and thin with bewilderment.

“To the Fourth Hokage.” Gaara stated. He recounted what Kyuubi had told him, moments before Naruto had been torn apart from the fox’s body. The Fourth Hokage had only sealed half of Kyuubi inside of Naruto, the Yang half. The Yin half was sealed inside Minato, so if they could transplant that part into Naruto, he would survive.

“That’s what the Nine-Tails told me. Right now, there’s no other way to save Naruto!”

“How much longer until we get there?” Sakura asked. Despite what Gaara had told her, she didn’t seem reassured, and that made Gaara’s insides burn even brighter with dread.

“We’ve still got a while,” Gaara admitted.

He watched as Sakura unzipped Naruto’s jacket and placed her hand on his chest. She took a deep breath, as if steeling herself for what she was about to do. When she had collected her resolve, she lifted up Naruto’s mesh shirt and held her hand above his chest. She raised two of her fingers, and chakra extended from them in a sharp blue point. She dipped her hand and inserted the chakra scalpel into Naruto’s side, slicing into his chest cavity. While she did this, she prepped her other hand with healing chakra. When the incision had been made, she pushed her hand that was now emanating the healing chakra into Naruto’s chest. The muscles in her arm worked, and Gaara realized that Sakura was manually pumping Naruto’s heart.

“As long as I’m here, I am not going to let you die!” she declared.

Gaara narrowed his eyes, which were suddenly stinging. The gravity of their circumstances pressed down on his shoulders like the gravity that he had to fight to keep his sand in the air. If Sakura could go to such an extent, then he had no choice. He had to push himself more.

He wrapped his sand around her and pressed the sand to fly even faster. Blood spilled past his lips and he spit into the grains at his feet. His limbs started to numb as the overworked chakra channels in them began to fail.

_He’d sworn to protect Naruto with his life! He’d sworn to never leave him! This had to work, there was no other option._

Somewhere on the battlefield below them, Madara had just finished making himself into the jinchuuriki of the Ten-Tails. His appearance changed, and he flew across the sky with none of the effort that it required of Gaara.

At this point, Sakura had resorted to giving Naruto mouth-to-mouth. She pinched his nose and tilted his head back, breathing air into his lungs and still pumping his heart with her own fist. Her movements were perfectly timed, but even with her flawless coordination, Gaara could see the beads of sweat rolling down her face.

He knew that neither of them could keep this up for much longer.

By the time Gaara spotted the Yondaime Hokage, he had no feeling in either of his arms. He didn’t even understand how he was making the sand still do what he wanted. _His mother’s spirit, maybe_ , his frantic mind reasoned. Really it didn’t matter, as long as he could get them to the ground safely.

The Fourth was standing next to Kakashi, both of them about to attack the amalgamation of Obito and Black Zetsu that stood in front of them. Yondaime’s Rasengan disappeared first, he leaned over to Kakashi and said something, and then Kakashi’s Chidori disintegrated as well. It appeared that maybe Yondaime had sensed their arrival.

Gaara focused on lowering them to the ground, while Sakura called out to her teacher. “Kakashi-sensei!”

“What happened?” he responded, his voice tight with worry. He kept one eye on the monstrosity before him.

“Kyuubi was extracted from Naruto!” Sakura called, “At this rate…!”

She didn’t need to say anything else. The posture of both Leaf Shinobi changed to convey the understanding of her implication.

Gaara cut in eagerly. “Yondaime, I bring a message from Naruto’s Kyuubi. He said to transplant the other half of the Nine-Tails that you have within you into Naruto. That will save him!”

The Fourth Hokage seemed to understand right away, even though Gaara knew his explanation was clumsy.

“Kakashi, I leave him to you,” Minato said, directing Kakashi to take care of the enemy in front of them.

“Got it,” Kakashi replied.

“I’ll help,” Gaara offered.

He brought himself to stand next to Naruto’s sensei. If Kakashi and the Fourth Hokage had been in the process of taking on this thing together, then Kakashi would need his help. Gaara wasn’t sure how useful his help would be in his current state, but even if he only served as a physical barrier between Naruto and the Zetsu-Obito creature, he figured that would be better than nothing.

Sakura was still keeping Naruto alive. She was still working hard, pushing herself to her limits. Gaara would not falter.

Minato began the transfer.

The next few moments were a blur.

Black Zetsu cried out in triumph, and it was then that Gaara noticed a root like structure from its leg had burrowed into the ground. There was a commotion behind him, expressions of shock from Sakura and Minato, and he felt a surge and dip in Kyuubi’s chakra. The abomination in front of him continued to laugh in a sickening way.

Gaara didn’t want to believe that Black Zetsu had somehow absorbed Yin Kyuubi.

“What happened? What happened to Naruto?” Gaara called out, not breaking his line of sight from the awful monster.

But before anyone could answer him, Uchiha Madara landed front and center, only a few footsteps away.

“No way,” Gaara breathed to himself.

“Madara-sama,” Black Zetsu greeted his master.

Madara seemed impatient. “You’re late, Black Zetsu. I came to you.”

Gaara watched in horror as Black Zetsu tried to detach itself from Obito’s body, in order to hand over the left eye Rinnegan and Yin Kyuubi. He readied his sand, and beside him he felt Kakashi taking an offensive stance. The two allied shinobi were stilled when they saw that Black Zetsu couldn’t actually break free from its host.

Obito was somehow fighting back. He seemed to be arguing with Black Zetsu and Madara, but Gaara couldn’t hear because his pulse was pounding in his head. He kept his peripherals on Kakashi so that he would be ready to join him if the jounin made a move.

Obito began walking towards Madara, and Kakashi took action. Gaara followed suit, charging towards Obito. From behind him, Minato lunged for Madara.

But none of the attacks were any match for the Uchiha. He deflected them with an embarrassing ease, and Obito was able to reach him without a single misstep.

Gaara wondered if this was to be their final moment. Had they failed Naruto? Had they failed the Allied Shinobi Forces?

Then Obito stabbed Madara in the stomach, seemingly pulling tailed-beast chakra from him. He shouted something at Kakashi, and Gaara could only barely catch the meaning of it.

There was a flurry of activity, but Kakashi eventually succeeded in teleporting Naruto, Sakura, and Obito into another time-space.

Gaara had little time to understand what that meant before the present caught up with him, and he was somehow fighting again. Rock Lee and Might Gai were also there and along with Kakashi and Minato, they were all taking on Madara.

Instinct drove Gaara to move, but he had no recollection of one second to the next. It took every ounce of his concentration to stay alive in each instant that passed, and not a drop of his focus could be spared to create memories. The next thing that his brain was able to register was Might Gai, on the ground, disintegrating.

Madara, ready to claim his victory over the green sensei, aimed a black truthseeker ball at him. Before it could hit its intended target, Naruto was suddenly there again. He kicked the ball out of the way and stood opposite of Madara, shining bright in his orange kyuubi chakra.

Gaara’s hope returned. He remembered to breathe. His mind began recording the events around him again, though everything still seemed muddled. One second bled into the next.

Naruto walked over to Might Gai’s body and did something that Gaara saw but couldn’t explain. Whatever it was, it brought Might Gai back.

Gaara let elation spread through his body.

_They had done it. They had saved Naruto and rescued the chances of all shinobi!_

It wasn’t long after this thought that Madara cast Infinite Tsukuyomi.

~~

“Gaara, your friend is here!”

Gaara raced to where his uncle stood at the door.

“Hey, Gaara! Let’s go play!”

He happily chased after the boy with the spiral on the back of his shirt.

~~

The next thing he knew, he was waking up on the ground. There were some kind of thick torn vines all over him, and he pulled them off and looked around. Beside him, covered in the same leafy material was Might Gai, and beside him was Rock Lee.

Gaara sat up and immediately pitched forward, clutching at his head. He could almost feel his arms, and he had a splitting headache that he was sure was making up for the damage disguised by numbness.

He forced himself to look around.

_Where was Naruto?_

He heard Lee get up and shuffle over to his sensei, pulling away the remaining plant-like scraps.

“Gai-sensei! Gai-sensei!”

Then, like he’d been struck in the head, Gaara suddenly looked up into the sky. The moon was no longer looming over them like a giant red eye. The chakra fruit tree was gone. Madara and his demonic miasma of chakra were not around.

_Naruto…?_

He swiveled his head, scanning the ruined battlefield. All over, shinobi were waking up from the same strange cocoons that had held them in their deep sleep. All he could do was search with his eyes. His chakra was still entirely depleted, he had no ability to sense anything past where Lee was celebrating behind him as his sensei apparently woke.

Gaara nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand clamp onto his shoulder.

He turned to see a very beaten and bruised Naruto—maybe smiling or maybe just swollen—looking back at him. He had his arm around Sakura, who seemed to be supporting most of his weight. Behind them, a few paces back, Gaara could see Kakashi who was similarly supporting Sasuke.

“He wouldn’t shut up until I agreed to take him to you,” Sakura said, her voice trembling. She smiled weakly as if she were trying to make a joke, but her eyes were brimming with tears.

She set Naruto down next to Gaara and wiped at her eyes. Gaara had no idea what was happening, or what _had happened_ , but he would never forget how Sakura had toiled to save Naruto’s life.

He tried to smile at her, though it hurt. He would never truly be able to express his gratitude.

To his surprise, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. As she leaned back, her eyes were thankful too.

“Ah, Gaara,” Naruto slurred. “We did it.”

Naruto’s mouth was bleeding from both corners. Both of his eyes were ringed with deep purple bruises, his left was nearly swollen shut. His jacket was completely gone, and what remained of his mesh shirt was badly torn. Even his pants were in a bad way. There were cuts and welts all over his body. And his right arm was missing from the elbow down.

Gaara pinched his eyes shut and tears overflowed down his cheeks. He still had no idea what was going on, but it seemed over. Naruto was so badly injured, but he was alive.

“I told you I’d come back to you,” Naruto continued. He tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. “Was that soon enough?”

Gaara could think of nothing to say in response. Instead he wrapped his arms around Naruto and pressed his face into his shoulder, openly crying against his exposed skin.

Naruto brought his left arm around Gaara and held him loosely. “Hey, it’s okay. We won, y’know?”

~~

The second Naruto spotted Gaara, he stood up from the bench where he’d been waiting in front of Konoha’s hospital and dashed toward him. “Gaara!”

Gaara felt pulled forward just by the sight of him.

“Naruto.”

Unconsciously, he broke stride with his siblings in order to reach Naruto sooner. It hadn’t even been a week and already Gaara felt so much more at ease now that they could occupy the same space again.

Returning to Suna after the release of the Infinite Tsukuyomi jutsu, getting bits and pieces of information through the comm lines or via hawk, and receiving medical treatment all within the span of twenty-hour hours had left Gaara feeling like his skin was buzzing. He had known Naruto was safe, but being apart almost immediately after delivering Naruto’s body to the former Fourth Hokage and then losing consciousness for an undetermined amount of time had really left a deep impression. He needed to double-check, then triple-check that Naruto was okay. In fact, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be fully satisfied with the status of Naruto’s safety.

Gaara’s siblings and the group of Lightning shinobi who had come with the Raikage, Killer Bee, Darui, Omoi, Karui, and Atsui gathered around the two ninja as they shook hands.

Gaara couldn’t help but take an inventory of how Naruto appeared. He seemed lively as ever, and his grip was strong. His left eye was still swollen though, as was his lip. When he smiled, it seemed like it caused him a little bit of pain.

“You saved me again,” Gaara said, praising his friend.

He didn’t know all of the details about what had happened, but he’d gotten a rough summary of the relevant points. It all sounded so impossible, that at first Gaara had thought there had been a mistake and that his briefing documents had been switched with some children’s story. A woman came down from the moon and wanted to enslave the shinobi world. She took control of Madara like he was nothing more than her familiar who had been doing her bidding for years. Her deceased son lent his powers across time and space to Naruto and Sasuke in order to defeat her. Sakura and Kakashi didn’t get any supernatural help, they just had to be formidable on their own. And then, even after Team 7 had triumphed—for some unfathomable reason—Sasuke had challenged Naruto.

When Gaara had seen Naruto on the battlefield, he had thought that Naruto’s poor physical state had been caused by Madara. Now that Gaara knew otherwise, well, he didn’t know how he felt about it.

“And us,” the Raikage added.

Kankuro and Temari nodded in agreement.

~~

Naruto didn’t feel like he deserved that much credit. After all, Sakura had told him a much more important component to the story that everyone seemed to be overlooking. If Gaara hadn’t caught him when he’d fell out of Kurama…

But when he tried to think of a way to return the compliment, the words got all twisted up in his mouth.

_Later, then. They’d have time later._

~~

“Anyway, how’s your wound?” Kankuro asked.

“Oh! Ah...well, about as good as it looks,” Naruto responded. He smiled self-consciously and shook the loose fabric of his sleeve where the rest of his arm was missing. “I can’t say it’s doing well, but...”

“Then, what will you do about that arm?” Temari was the next to voice her curiosity.

Gaara felt a little embarrassed for how nosy his siblings were being, though he also wanted to know the answers to these questions.

“Well, Granny Tsunade said something about harvesting cells from the first Hokage, Hashirama, or something,” he recalled, squinting his eyes as if trying to focus on her words in his memory, “She’s gonna attach them to me or something like that. I don’t really understand that kind of thing.”

“So it’ll go back to the way it was before?” Gaara asked, hoping to put an end to all of the questions about Naruto’s body. He couldn’t help feeling overprotective.

“Yeah, probably!” Naruto exclaimed, ever the optimist, “I’m here today for some tests.”

“I see.” Gaara digested this information slightly better than he would a rock. _Tests? What tests? Was there something else that was wrong?_

It was a struggle to keep calm around everyone. He desperately wanted to latch onto Naruto and never let go. It had been so hard to let him chase after Sasuke that day in the snow, and the next time he’d seen Naruto was on the battlefield.

Killer Bee offered up some kind of rap about how Naruto was the sun and how he needed his right hand. The crowd around him mumbled when he finished, and Naruto laughed.

Gaara tried to let the sound of his laughter sink in. He tried to sense how calm his flow of chakra was, and how casual and unguarded his stance was. But he’d already reminded himself of Sasuke...

“How is _he_ doing right now?” Gaara asked, unable to stop himself. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know the answer. In fact, he was fairly certain he didn’t want to know. Though he realized that as Kazekage it would be impossible to just forget about the Uchiha and pretend he didn’t exist, he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to deal with all of his confusing feelings regarding the former missing nin.

Naruto looked down, his smile shrinking. Gaara had already regretted asking, but the look on Naruto’s face sent a jolt of panic through him.

“I don’t really wanna talk about it. I’m kind of not allowed to anyway.”

“I see,” Gaara repeated. In his head, he was mentally scolding himself for bringing it up. Obviously neither of them were ready to broach that topic.

Temari put her hand on Gaara’s shoulder gently. He wondered if she could sense how his emotions had spiraled out of control.

“Well, we better meet with the Hokage and then settle in.”

At her words, Naruto began to beam again. “You guys are staying a while?”

Kankuro laughed heartily. “Of course! It’s only been a few days since the battle ended and we’ve already made the trip from Suna to Konoha! We need time to rest and recover! Sure, we have to do all the necessary political stuff too, but, c’mon! Would Konoha really send us right back for another five day trip to the desert? We’d be buzzard food!”

Naruto and the Lightning shinobi laughed. Even Gaara in his frazzled state found himself smiling at Kankuro’s joke.

“Anyway, Gaara, I’ll catch you later after my appointment, okay?”

It was the most innocent, friendly invitation, and yet Gaara could feel his siblings’ eyes turn to him to catch his skin flush. He knew they would make fun of him about this later, when the Lightning ninja were gone. He didn’t care.

“Cool! Anyway, I should probably get inside now. See ya!”

~~

Naruto’s apartment was cleaner than the last time Gaara had seen it, though that wasn’t saying much. Gaara had been expecting worse, so its current level of orderliness was somewhat of a pleasant surprise.

He stretched out on Naruto’s bed, resting his hands behind his head. The blankets under him were rumpled and lumpy because the bed hadn’t been made, but he’d climbed in anyway. The fabric smelled like Naruto, even more so than the actual ninja who was cuddled up next to him, his head resting on Gaara’s shoulder and his arm slung around Gaara’s abdomen in a loose hug.

“So then she said it was a good match, and it won’t be too much longer before she can try attaching it!”

Gaara turned his head so that Naruto’s hair was tickling his nose. He nuzzled into the blond, content to just listen. Having Naruto’s weight against him, squirmy and animated as he talked, gave Gaara a rare sense of peace. If he listened closely, he could hear the tiny gasps for breath Naruto took between sentences. If he concentrated even more closely, he could feel the swirls of his chakra coursing through his body, or his heart beating. After so many times where this had not been the case, Gaara was grateful he could finally hold Naruto as he was happy and healthy.

“By the way, how was your meeting with Kakashi-sensei and the other Kage?”

Gaara took his time before responding. The majority of the meeting had been centered around what to do about Uchiha Sasuke, and Gaara wasn’t sure he wanted to bring that up just yet. Obviously it was a touchy subject for Naruto, especially considering that not much time had passed since everything that had happened at the End. Now that the five countries were at peace, they had so much time left to figure things out, recover, and deconstruct what had happened.

“Nothing much to report. Administrative things. Talk of the upcoming trial...”

To his surprise, Naruto didn’t tense up or exhibit any other sign that he wanted to avoid the subject.

“Ah, yeah,” he said, “I guess you know all about that. About what I said earlier, I can tell you, you know?”

Gaara pulled one of his hands from behind his head and brought it down to where Naruto’s arm was resting on his chest. He curled his fingers around Naruto’s bicep, squeezing lightly.

“It’s alright,” Gaara replied, his voice even.

There was a beat, and then before Gaara could stop himself, the words spilled from his mouth. “Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you. It’s kind of...related to that.”

Naruto burrowed tighter against Gaara’s side, his head pressing more firmly into Gaara’s shoulder.

“Hmm?”

Gaara took a short breath and forced himself to gather his thoughts somewhat. All the things he wanted to say would be better said in a series of short conversations. Assuming that he spoke his mind clearly, this moment could be the beginning of that plan.

“You have all these bonds for people you want to protect. You’ve told me that a ninja is strongest when protecting someone they love. And I’ve seen you live by those words, but...I’ve also noticed that you tend to take on all of the burden yourself.” Gaara swallowed. He wasn’t sure that he was effectively getting his meaning across. “You don’t need to always be the only one to shoulder every other person’s burdens. You have this entire network of people that you can rely on to support you. They can protect you too. Even if there is no one else, I will be there for you.”

Gaara sighed. “What I mean is that I want to protect you. I want to stand by your side when you won’t back down from what seems to be an impossible challenge. Never again do I want it to come to the point where you’re on the brink of death...and I...I am helpless...”

“Gaara...” Naruto pressed even closer, smushing his face into Gaara’s shoulder, placing a warm kiss on his sleeve.

Gaara pressed a kiss against Naruto’s temple. He lowered his voice, softening it. “Seriously, Naruto.”

When Naruto finally responded, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I know.”

_It was a start._

Gaara let the matter drop and relaxed into the lull that settled between them. He would remind Naruto as many times as he needed in order for him to get the message. Going from being the village’s hated and feared jinchuuriki to its invaluable hero didn’t leave much time in between where other ninja would step in and offer their protection for Naruto. About as much as the same had happened to Gaara. So, Gaara understood if Naruto wasn’t used to the idea that he could fall back behind the power of someone else. Probably one of the few people who had done so for him was Jiraiya, and that was probably why his death had hit Naruto so hard.

Gaara had made a promise that he would never leave Naruto’s side ever again, and that promise had endured a war on all shinobi. For years he’d been afraid of love, of what it meant and the power it held on people. When he’d seen his father again, reanimated during the war, when he’d learned that his mother and uncle had actually loved him, something in his perspective had shifted. There was a delicate balance between letting go of the past, holding on to treasured memories, and moving forward—shaped by those experiences, but ready to reach out and form new connections.

Gaara felt safe entrusting his heart to Naruto. He knew it wouldn’t be easy for either of them, to leave their feelings in the other’s care, but when had anything in either of their lives ever been easy? At least this was something that they chose on their own, that they wanted to work through together.

Naruto shifted and his arm slipped out of Gaara’s grasp.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” Gaara asked, immediately worried.

Naruto laughed and brought his arm back down onto Gaara’s chest. “No, it’s fine. I—uh—I kind of just forgot I didn’t have a hand there anymore. I was gonna...um...yeah...”

Gaara cautiously rested his hand against Naruto’s arm again.

“It’s actually been happening a whole bunch. Sometimes, it even surprises me when I realize nothing’s there, and then I remember. And then sometimes, it hurts? Like yesterday morning I woke up and had this weird burning pain that felt like it was going all the way from my fingertips and up my forearm into my shoulder. Tsunade-baachan said it’s normal though.”

“Did she say how the cells might affect that?”

“Nope!”

“You really ought to be more concerned about your health...” Gaara scolded.

He could feel Naruto grinning against him. “Ah, c’mon! I got everything under control!”

Even though Naruto’s tone was light and joking, Gaara responded deadpan. “Have you seen the state of your apartment?”

Naruto squirmed, laughing into Gaara’s shoulder. “Okay, fair.”

“Thankfully you’re already on her radar. And Sakura-san’s too, for that matter. Between us, I’m sure we can wrangle you to your annual shinobi wellness checks.”

Naruto squirmed more, pushing himself on top of Gaara so that he could stare into his face. His bright blue eyes were round with surprise.

“Wait, those are annual? Since when?!”

Gaara just laughed, then arched his hips up so that Naruto fell forward. He craned his neck so that he could meet Naruto in a kiss.

~~

A few weeks later, when Sasuke was released from prison and allowed to leave the village, Naruto met him just outside of the gate. He returned the hitai-ate that he’d been holding onto for years. As soon as it left his fingertips, he felt a sense of completion. The last loose thread between them was finally tied off. From this moment forward, they would both be forging new paths.

“I can walk you to the bridge,” Naruto offered, “I have to go that way anyway.”

Sasuke raised one of his eyebrows in curiosity. “To where?”

Naruto was beaming. “Suna,” he said, trying to sound casual. He didn’t sound casual at all. He sounded downright giddy, and even with the briefest of glances Sasuke could tell that his friend was red in the face.

“A mission?” he asked, nonplussed.

“Something like that,” Naruto laughed, “More like a promise.”

Now it was Sasuke’s turn to laugh.

“You and your promises,” he muttered in a mock disapproving tone. Secretly, he was glad that Naruto’s spirit hadn’t been put out by the war, or their fight, or losing his arm. He was still the same happy-go-lucky knucklehead that cared deeply and stuck to his principles.

Another thought came to him suddenly, a memory of right after they had dispelled the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Naruto had begged Sakura to take him to Gaara.

Sabaku no Gaara—Gaara of the Desert, who lived in Suna.

Sasuke smirked, and Naruto noticed.

“Hey, what’s so funny?!”

The urge to tease his friend was strong, but he resisted. After all he’d been through, it was nice to know that Naruto had found someone like that—a source of happiness. He almost wanted to wish him good luck because he knew that inevitably Naruto would screw it up somehow—he always did—but he always found a way to fix it too, to make things work and better than before.

Sasuke kept his happiness for his friend to himself. He wasn’t sentimental, he didn’t care to hear Naruto gush about his feelings more than he already did—that was Sakura’s job. Besides, if he said the wrong thing, he didn’t want Gaara of the Sand to come after him. He didn’t need a rematch from the chuunin exams.

“Bet I can beat you to the bridge,” Sasuke taunted, taking off.

Despite his advantage from surprise, it wasn’t long before Naruto had sprinted past him, yelling over his shoulder.

“No chance! I’ve got a promise to keep!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting this so late asdfghjkl; (Not that I promised to post this at any specified time, but I meant to post it last weekend or the weekend before that and then life happened instead). Anyway, yes, this is the end of this fic, but I still have the Gaara/Naruto bug so it won't be my last! I have plans for a sickfic oneshot that should be ready sometime in March <3


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